


What Have You Got to Lose?

by amythis



Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV), Mork & Mindy
Genre: F/M, cooperative humans, ripping holes in the time-space continuum and new nylons, voyeuristic alien
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:34:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23606887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amythis/pseuds/amythis
Summary: Mork's research changes Laverne and Lenny's lives more than anticipated.
Relationships: Laverne DeFazio/Lenny Kosnowski
Comments: 129
Kudos: 5





	1. Losing Blood

Laverne DeFazio and Leonard Kosnowski were so startled by their first experience with time travel that they both cut themselves shaving. But neither of them realized they weren't in their respective bathrooms until they heard a man exclaim, "Shazbot! That wasn't supposed to happen."

Laverne put her hand to her nicked leg and realized her foot was resting on a sofa rather than her bathtub, and it wasn't her sofa. Lenny put his hand to his nicked chin and looked not at his own reflection but at the wondrous sight of Laverne in her full-slip, her back to him.

"Where's the Fonz?"

At that moment, Laverne was more annoyed than shocked or scared. She recognized that voice from the third worst blind date of her life. She looked up and over at the short man with long, wavy brown hair, who was not wearing Richie Cunningham's hand-me-downs. He had on jeans, a black-and-orange-horizontal-striped long-sleeved shirt, rainbow-colored suspenders with strange buttons on them, and a puzzled expression.

"He's probably on the other side of town and I'm going to kill him if he had anything to do with this."

"Please, Miss DeFazio, there's no need to threaten violence. Or for that man to bite his own hand."

Lenny hadn't even realized he was doing that. It was just that his hand was already at his chin, and the back view of Laverne made his hand crawl into his mouth, which was open in amazement. He dropped his hand as Laverne looked at him over her shoulder.

"Lenny, what are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I don't even know where 'here' is."

He was wearing pajama bottoms that hinted at the beginnings of an erection. She remembered that she was wearing only her full-slip and blue Tuesday panties. She looked away, put her foot on the floor, and grabbed an afghan off the red couch. As she wrapped the blanket around herself, she asked, "Mork, what the hell is going on here?"

"Laverne, you know this guy?"

"Sort of. Fonzie fixed me up with him a couple years ago. He's a foreigner, from some place called Ork."

Lenny looked around the cozy house or apartment. He was standing in a dining area that flowed into the living room, where Laverne was, while this Mork guy was standing in front of a closed door. "Is that where we are, the land of Ork?"

Laverne rolled her eyes. "Obviously, we're somewhere in Milwaukee. Or near it."

"But how did we get here?"

She hadn't figured that part out. Maybe she'd passed out after cutting herself, although it wasn't that deep a cut. And maybe something like that had happened to Lenny, too. But what then? Had Mork carried her out of the basement and Lenny down the stairs, out to a car? Without Shirley or Squiggy or anyone noticing?

"Please sit down," their host/kidnapper said.

Laverne sank onto the couch, Lenny onto the couch's nearest arm. Mork remained standing.

"Can I have a Band-Aid?" Lenny asked.

Laverne saw his chin was still bleeding a little, which meant that her calf probably was, too. And that meant that hardly any time had passed since they were in their bathrooms. "Me, too?" she requested, although she wasn't sure if Mork knew what Band-Aids were. When they met, he barely knew how to sit like a normal person.

"Oh, yes, of course. Excuse me." He exited through the closed door, shutting it behind him.

Lenny leaned down and whispered, "Should we make a break for it?"

"Barefoot and half naked?" she whispered back.

"Oh yeah," he said and shifted away. She deliberately didn't look at his crotch, but she was aware of the power she had over it, a power she'd never asked for.

Mork came back in with a tin of Band-Aids and held it out to her. As Laverne took it, she was dimly aware that the packaging looked different than she remembered, but she hadn't bought any recently. She took two bandages out and nodded her thanks. She put one over the cut on her leg, aware of both men watching her. Then she said, "Hold your head still, Len," and covered the cut on his chin.

"Thanks, Laverne. Um, and you, too, Mr. Mork." He was pretty nice for a kidnapper.

The strange man looked down at them and murmured, "Maybe this wasn't a mistake."

....

Mork felt like such a nimnul when he bungled the chronioteleportation process. Yes, Laverne DeFazio had arrived safely, except for the shaving accident, but what of Arthur Fonzarelli? If the Fonz were here, that would make Mork's explanation easier. Now Mork had to explain to two people, one of whom he'd never met before.

At least the two guests weren't strangers to each other. They were definitely friends, although probably not lovelings. This might work out, but, as Ricky Ricardo would say, he had a lot of 'splaining to do.

"Oh, thank goodness it might not be a mistake." He didn't know Laverne well, but he did understand her sarcasm better than when they first met and he took Earthlings more literally.

"Well, not that this is what I planned," he admitted.

"Sir," Laverne's friend said, "I think you should know that we come from poor families and you won't get much ransom for us."

Was that what the Earthman thought? Was that what they both thought? "No, no, no, that's not why I brought you here."

"Then why did you bring us here?" Laverne demanded.

Mork sighed. "This is going to take awhile."

"Great, I'm going to be late for work."

"No, you won't."

"Uh, yeah, I will."

He wanted to tell her to trust him, she wouldn't be late, but he'd have to explain before she could trust him. So he sighed, turned on the television, and fidgeted.

"Oo, _I Love Lucy_ , in color!" exclaimed the man, Lenny?

"You brought us here to watch color television?"

"Not exactly."

"Where's Ricky?" Lenny asked. "And who are these kids?"

"They're Lucy's real life kids playing her TV kids."

Lenny shook his head. "Little Ricky and Desi, Jr. are the same age, and I was a teenager when they were born, so Lucy's kids can't be teenagers already. I'm only 24."

Mork wanted to tell Lenny that this _Here's Lucy_ episode was about a decade old, but he had to ease into this. He'd learned from Mindy how easily startled humans were.

Laverne leapt to her feet and changed the channel.

"Good morning, Boulder!" chirped the hostess of _Good Morning, Boulder._

"Boulder?" Lenny echoed.

Laverne raced to the front window and peeked through the curtains. "Lenny, there are trees and mountains and, and...."

"And boulders?"

"And people. And they're dressed," for a moment words failed Laverne, "weird."

Instead of joining Laverne at the window, Lenny parked himself right in front of the TV, kneeling as he changed the channels. Mork thought of handing him the channel changer, but these poor humans were already dealing with a lot of shocks.

"And the cars, Len," Laverne said dazedly.

"Uh huh," he said, as he flew by commercials and kids' shows and old movies. Then he turned off the TV and hoarsely asked Mork, "Do you have a radio?"

Mork nodded and brought it to the man on the floor, who looked at it as if the appearance was more dramatically different than Mindy's television set was from the sets he knew. Lenny hesitated and then turned the radio on. 

"And for the second week in a row, the number one song is 'Coming Up' by Paul McCartney."

Mork could see that the name meant nothing to Lenny, that he'd never heard of the Beatles, not yet. The male Earthling just looked puzzled by the strange music. Then he switched the station.

"President Carter urged all Americans...."

Lenny turned off the radio and stared at it.

"President. Carter," Laverne said as she came back from staring out the window.

"Uh, yeah," Mork said.

"What happened to President Kennedy?" Lenny whispered.

"I, I, this isn't why I brought you here."

"Why did you bring us here?" Laverne demanded again.

And this time Mork answered, "I need to make a report to my home planet."


	2. Losing Minds

Laverne was sitting on the couch again, but this time Lenny was sitting at her feet. She wanted to stroke his hair, hold his hand, make some sort of physical connection in this crazy world they found themselves in. But she used both her hands to keep the afghan cocoon wrapped tight around her.

Mork was pacing manically around the room as he explained that Ork was another planet, in a distant galaxy, and he was sent to Earth to learn about life among the inhabitants. He'd throw in celebrity impressions, including of people she'd never heard of, and she was half tempted to do her Marlon Brando and Eleanor Roosevelt, but she didn't know if they were famous anymore.

This was the summer of 1980, eighteen years in the future for her and Lenny. Somewhere out there, maybe in Milwaukee, Shirley and Squiggy, now in middle age, were presumably living their lives without their old best friends.

"Mork, what would happen if I got on a plane to Milwaukee?"

He paused in his exhibition of the current _People_ magazine. "Well, you're not really dressed for public transportation."

"Mork."

He sighed. "You want to know if you exist in this time, too."

Lenny gasped. "What if 42-year-old me killed this me?"

She looked down at him. "Why would you do that?"

"Maybe I looked at me funny."

She shook her head.

Mork admitted, "I can't tell you what would happen if you went back to your home in this time, because I really don't know."

"Is that what your report is about?" she asked. "To see how bringing us into the future changes things?"

She knew this was a crazy discussion, and the skeptical part of her thought it must be a dream or a delusion, although one she appeared to be sharing with Lenny. But as long as she was here, wherever here really was, she wanted to try to make sense of it.

And, yes, she and Lenny had asked for proof, not just proof that they were in Colorado in the early 1980s, but proof that Mork was a spaceman. He had drunk water with his finger and set that morning's newspaper on fire, also with his finger.

And he'd frozen time. That is, he had turned on the TV again and tossed a throw pillow across the room and then captured the moment for a couple minutes. She and Lenny weren't frozen, although Mork said he could do that, too.

Escape was probably impossible, unless she broke Mork's finger. At the moment, she was too curious about what was going on to worry about ending it. And she still wasn't clear what the point of all this upheaval was.

Mork coughed and looked self-conscious. "Well, you remember our date?"

"Vividly."

"Well, I had met the Fonz a few months before, your time. And I knew he would be a good person to explain the Earth custom of dating."

"Yeah, he's kind of an expert."

"Right. Well, he answered some of my questions and agreed to find me a date so I could learn more first-hand."

"Speaking of hands, what was the thing with you getting all worked up when I just touched your wrist?"

Blushing a little, Mork said, "That is an Orkan pleasure center."

Lenny nodded. "Like my foot."

Laverne didn't want to know, but Mork said, "Ah, is this common among Earth males?"

"I don't think so. Squiggy prefers shoulder rubs."

"Who or what is Squiggy?"

"Andrew Squiggman, my best friend."

"And you two are friends?"

"Who, me and Lenny? Well, yeah."

"We grew up together," Lenny said.

"And we're still neighbors."

"And we both work at Shotz Brewery."

"Of course," Laverne admitted, "that's all true of Squiggy and Shirley, my best friend, but they're not as good friends as me and Len."

"Me and Laverne have a lot in common."

"I see."

Laverne didn't want to dwell on her friendship with Lenny, especially in front of a spaceman she hardly knew. And she was a little worried about Mork bringing up the blind date, because she really didn't want to go out with him again, in any time or place. So she asked, "Why did you ask where Fonzie is?"

"Well, I was trying to bring him here, instead of, um."

Lenny held up his hand to shake. "Lenny Kosnowski."

Mork came over and said, "Mork from Ork, Nanu Nanu." He parted his right fingers so that his thumb, pointer, and middle finger were together, while his little finger nestled against his ring finger. He slid his hand perpendicular to Lenny's and shook this way. Then he gave Lenny a series of what he said were "jive handshakes" his little Earth friend Eugene taught him. Lenny clumsily tried to follow along.

"Ahem." Laverne could see by now that Mork was easily distracted.

"Oh, right, I was trying to bring Fonzie here."

"Why?"

Mork went back to his chair. She noticed he sat like a normal person. "Well, I need to make a report on human mating."

"Oh! Well, the Fonz is an expert on that, too." Not that she knew that directly, but Fonzie's reputation was legendary.

"But why did you bring Laverne here? She's a virgin." Lenny's voice dropped to a whisper at the end.

"Uh, no, I'm not."

"Oh. Well, you used to be."

She shook her head. "Mork obviously wants me to give the female perspective."

"No," Mork said, "I want you to mate."

....

Lenny jumped to his feet, which wasn't easy, since he'd been sitting on the floor. Just when he was sort of starting to like and trust their host, the spaceman had to come on to Laverne. OK, so she wasn't a virgin, but that didn't give Mork the right to take her from her home to indulge his sleazy Orkan lust. "Don't you touch her!"

Laverne patted the hand that wasn't pointing accusingly at Mork. "Relax, Len. He wants me to, um, mate with Fonzie, but since Fonzie isn't here...."

"You'll have to mate with Lenny."

Lenny sank onto the opposite end of the couch from Laverne.

"Mork, I know you're from another galaxy, but you are either a pervert or a nut."

"Yeah," Lenny managed to say, "you can't just tell people who to voe-dee-oh-doe with."

"Vody what now?"

"It's how we say 'mating' in our neighborhood."

"One of the ways," Lenny pointed out.

"Ah, yes, it's like Eskimos and words for snow."

Lenny had to smile a little, partly because Mork knew about that, and partly because Lenny knew lots of other words.

"Whatever you call it, I don't want to do it with Lenny, especially in front of you, Mork."

Lenny expected that but it still hurt. Not that he wanted to perform like monkeys in the zoo, but he still felt rejected.

Mork looked confused. "But he's the man you most desire!"

Laverne snorted and Lenny said, "No, I'm not."

"You must be! I summoned Laverne and the man she most desires."

Lenny was starting to understand. "That's why you expected Fonzie to show up."

Laverne shook her head again. "Fonzie is real sexy, but even Tony Curtis would probably have been higher on my list."

"Ah, yes. 'Yonda lies the castle of my fodda.' "

"Can you do Jimmy Durante?"

"Lenny."

"Sorry, Laverne."

"Mork, no matter who you brought here, mating is a very private thing for most people. I don't know what made you think I would show you that side of myself, but you're wrong."

"I meant no harm. It's just that I couldn't really ask anyone from this time, and you were so nice before."

"Well, thank you, but I think you need to send me and Lenny home now."

Mork sighed and nodded. 

Lenny braced himself for more time travel. It hadn't hurt last time, other than nicking his chin, but he was still nervous. And he was in a way going into an uncertain future, because he now knew a few things about the future. How was he supposed to act like he didn't know what he knew? And he would share this secret with Laverne, as well as the knowledge that she had rejected him in terms she'd never used before.

If she had somehow agreed to Mork's request, Lenny wouldn't have had the willpower to say no. Yes, it would've been strange to be with Laverne in front of a spaceman, but if it was his only chance to be with her, he would've taken it.

Mork pointed a pointer finger at each of them. Lenny knew this was highly advanced science, but he felt like Mork was a wizard and this was more magic, like setting the newspaper on fire.

The spell, or whatever it was, didn't work. Lenny and Laverne didn't budge from the red sofa.

Mork blew on his hands and tried again. Again, nothing happened.

"Fingers don't fail me now!" Mork cried, before trying and failing a third time.

Laverne tsk-tsked. "Can I speak to your manager, Young Man?"

"That's it!" Mork jumped onto the couch between them. "Stick your pinkies in my ears!"

....

They both stared at Mork wordlessly until Lenny asked, "Both of my pinkies in one of your ears, or a pinky each of ours in each of your ears?"

"This isn't like when you tried to jerk my earlobe, is it?"

"Not at all. You see, I need to take you to my leader, but the only way I can do that is if you go inside my mind when I'm contacting him, sort of like a conference call." Seeing their blank looks, he said, "Oh, right, the Picturephone at the New York World's Fair is still a couple years off in your time. Well, it'll be like we're all on the telephone together, but we can see, too."

The two of them looked at each other and shrugged. Then Laverne said, "You think the big boss can help us?"

Mork bit back a smile, thinking of what a big boss Orson was. "I hope so." He meant it. Not that he wasn't disappointed with how things had turned out, but he would just have to find another way to do the report. Mating with an Earthwoman was one possibility, although that wouldn't tell him much about how Earthmen mated. And there was only one Earthwoman he truly wanted, but there were half a dozen reasons why their mating could never be the subject of one of his reports.

"Like this?" Laverne asked and inserted the tip of her little finger in Mork's left ear.

It tickled but he nodded. So Lenny stuck a pinky in Mork's other ear.

Mork closed his eyes. He couldn't hear himself saying, "Mork calling Orson, come in, Orson," but he could feel it. And then he was there in that strange space beyond space, this time with two fellow travelers.

"Snazzy outfit," Laverne said.

Mork was of course in his red spacesuit with silver accessories. She was in an outfit he assumed was characteristic of her, blue jeans and a fuzzy pink top with a big L on it. Lenny was also in jeans, with a white T-shirt and a red jacket. In this dimension, no one was touching anyone.

"Where did our clothes come from?" Lenny whispered.

"They're immaterial," Mork punned, but no one got it.

"Mork," boomed Orson, "I didn't ask you to bring the subjects to me. You were supposed to have them mate in front of you and then give your report."

"Um, I'm afraid there are some complications."

"Complications?"

"Yes. To save time, you can do crogplow."

"Very well."

Crogplow was a mostly painless method of scanning his brain without involving his passengers or telling more than Orson needed to know. Mork closed his eyes as the hydroelectrical shocks passed through him.

"Ah, I see the problem."

Mork opened his eyes. "Yes, Your Immensity?"

"You chronioteleported the DeFazio woman and the man who most desires her."

"Ohhh!" An easy error to slip into, however regrettable.

"While I would've preferred Fonzarelli, this Kosnowski person should be adequate for our purposes and the Earthwoman can simply mate with him instead."

"Unfortunately, she doesn't want to."

"That is regrettable, but in that case the chronioteleportation will reverse itself in a mere three bleems."

"Pssst, Mork," Lenny hissed, "how long is a bleem?"

"Two thousand years your time."

"Oh."

Mork felt his left ear pop and Laverne disappeared.

Lenny seemed intimidated by Orson, but now he looked panicked. "Where is she?"

"She should be back in the living room." Mork knew it was pointless to try to explain that Laverne, and Lenny, hadn't physically gone anywhere.

Lenny looked at Orson. "Sir, what if Laverne finds someone she wants to mate with in Boulder? Would that work?"

"No, only you can reverse the process by mating with her."

"Oh, OK, I just wondered."

Mork of course read disappointment on Lenny's face, but something else, too. Was Lenny really unselfish enough to let the woman he desired be with another man if it meant going home?

"Is there anything else I can help you with, Mork?

"No, thank you, Orson." Instead of signing off and bowing to his superior as usual, Mork gently touched the Earthman's arm and said, "Let's go."

As soon as they were back on the red couch, Laverne demanded, "Who is Mindy McConnell?"


	3. Losing Virginity

While Lenny had mostly acted like the Cowardly Lion in front of the Wizard of Oz, Laverne had seethed in silence as she listened to the two Orkans discuss her sex life like she wasn't even there. Not that they had gone into detail, but that just made it even more impersonal. She'd wanted to tell them both off, but she curbed her sharp Brooklyn tongue. Seeing Mork's mild convulsions over his voluntary mind-reading, or whatever crogplow was, she didn't want to risk whatever Orson could do to her.

But when she found out that she had a choice of either screwing Lenny or going back about 6000 days in 6000 years, she'd heard enough. In Mork's mind, she wasn't touching him, but she knew that in the real world she still had her finger in his ear. So she visualized herself pulling out of him, and there she was, back on his sofa, his afghan wrapped around her full slip.

She knew that Mork would be back soon, whether or not Lenny came after her. Escape was pointless. She wasn't dressed for it and she had no money on her. Not to mention that she was in an unfamiliar time and place.

She knew from looking out the window earlier that this living room was not on the ground floor. This was maybe the second or third floor. As shocking as her glimpse of the outside world had been, it had definitely been a pretty view, much better than the human feet and dog bellies from her basement window.

What would life be like in Colorado in 1980? There were probably much worse times and places to be stuck in. It was the future but not too distant, like with jetpacks. And she might have been stuck in 1980, but she wasn't really stuck in Boulder. If she didn't like this town, she could leave. Maybe she couldn't return to 1962, but she could find her way back to Milwaukee.

She got up suddenly and decided to look for the phone. She knew that it would be stupid to call the police, because what was she going to say? "Help, my friend and I have been abducted 1000 miles and eighteen years from our home"? She did really want to call home though.

She knew that Shirley had likely moved away long ago, especially if Laverne weren't around. Then again, what if Shirley had married Carmine and he'd moved downstairs? Laverne would love to hear his voice, too, although she had no idea how to explain her long absence.

But what if she hadn't been absent? What if her middle-aged self answered the phone? That as much as the buttons rather than a dial on the futuristic telephone made her hesitate.

Then she noticed the stack of bills next to the phone. They all had a Boulder, Colorado address, but the recipient was Mindy McConnell. Was this even Mork's home away from his home planet?

Mork suddenly returned, with Lenny at his side, Lenny's pinky still in Mork's right ear. Lenny was back in pajama bottoms and Mork was again wearing what apparently passed for a normal outfit in the future, at least in Colorado.

She stormed over to the couch and demanded, "Who is Mindy McConnell?"

Lenny withdrew from Mork's ear and both men looked up at her.

"Oh," Mork said nonchalantly, "that's the woman I live with."

"Is she a spacelady?" Lenny asked.

"No, she's an Earthling."

"If you're shacking up with some girl, why can't you just mate with her and leave us out of it?"

Mork blushed a little as he said, "We're just friends."

"Do you wish you were more?" Lenny asked quietly.

"Well, I'm still learning about emotions, because they're frowned upon on Ork, but I think I might love her as more than a friend."

"Then you should ask her to marry you."

Laverne shook her head. "Lenny."

"I mean it, Laverne. If I loved someone, really loved her, then I would marry her instead of living in sin."

Lenny was Catholic, like Laverne, and they both knew what the Church thought, but she doubted Mindy was Catholic, and who knew if there was even religion on Ork, since there wasn't emotion? And maybe society had changed enough by the '80s that a man and a woman could live together platonically.

"Lenny, we don't even know Mindy, or how she feels about Mork. And if they're not sinning, then they're not living in sin."

"Can you tell me about sin?" Mork asked.

Lenny said, "Sin is when you do something that God tells you not to do. Um, do you want me to explain God?"

"No, that's not necessary. I'm just confused by what sin would have to do with living with someone."

"Well," Laverne said hesitantly, "mating outside of marriage is supposed to be a sin."

"What about kissing?"

"It's a minor sin."

"Ah, so there are different levels of sin?"

Laverne was trying to figure out how to answer that, when Lenny asked, "Have you kissed Mindy yet?"

"Oh, yes, she taught me how to kiss."

Laverne remembered Mork wanting to "slide lips" on their date. She might've had more patience with him if she'd known, as presumably Mindy did, that he was a spaceman.

Lenny sighed, "Kissing is great, isn't it?"

"Uh huh, uh huh! Is mating that wonderful?"

Lenny blushed and Laverne sat in the chair, curious about his reply.

....

Lenny felt weird being asked about his sex life in front of Laverne, the girl he most wanted in that life, in all his lives. Not only was he apparently the man who most desired her, but he knew with every fiber of his being that she was the woman he most desired.

Back in high school, he'd longed for them to lose their virginities together. He knew she made out with a lot of guys, and he made out with any girl that would take pity on him, usually a friend of the latest girl Squiggy had charmed. That was fine. They didn't have to be each other's firsts for everything, and it was good to practice the other stuff, get that awkwardness out of the way.

Not much changed the first couple years out of high school. Then Lenny moved in with Squiggy, upstairs from Laverne and Shirley. Lenny's desire for Laverne got even stronger, but he also had opportunities for sex with other girls, now that he and Squiggy had privacy they hadn't had living with their families. Well, not total privacy. Squiggy and his date were witnesses, from the lower bunk, to Lenny's loss of virginity.

Lenny now cleared his throat, deciding that if he couldn't show Mork, he should tell him at least a little about sex, even if Laverne was listening. "Sex, mating, is incredible. You join your body with a woman's and it's very pleasurable." Lenny realized he wasn't good enough with words to really explain it.

"How do the bodies join?"

"Um, there's a part of the man's body that fits into the woman's body."

"And it's pleasurable for the woman as well?"

"If the man is good at it."

"Are you?"

"I try to be."

Mork looked over at Laverne. "What makes a man a good mater?"

Now she blushed, although she looked a little amused by Mork's phrasing. "Well, I've had only two 'maters.' The first time, I thought I was in love, and the second time I really was." She had tears in her eyes, and Lenny knew who the second guy was, even though he didn't know who took her cherry. It was only three months since Lenny had to break Laverne's heart by telling her that Randy Carpenter, her fireman boyfriend, had died rescuing a family.

Mork of course didn't know this. "What do women look for in maters?"

"Well, different women look for different things. My friend Shirley is looking for a doctor."

"Either the patient's dead or my watch has stopped."

Lenny laughed at the Groucho imitation, but Laverne just rolled her eyes. "Shirley is saving herself for marriage."

"What does that mean, saving herself?"

"Well, she'll only lose her virginity to her future husband."

"What is virginity? Is that another word for self? And how can it be transferred from one person to another?"

This was getting a bit deep for Lenny, and he was glad he wasn't the one being asked.

"No, it's just different ways of saying that someone, usually a woman, hasn't mated yet."

"So men can have virginity, too?"

"Um, yeah, but with women, well, there's a physical part of virginity, a part of the body that they lose when they mate, but male virgins are the same as male non-virgins."

"Except for blue balls," Lenny muttered, making Laverne laugh in surprise.

"The balls on your feet turn blue?" Mork asked in amazement.

Lenny's cheeks reddened again and he asked, "So are you gonna feed us since we're stuck here?"

....

Mork did his Julia Child impression as he prepared breakfast for his two guests. He'd originally imagined that Fonzie and Laverne would show up, Mork would ask them to mate, and they'd oblige. Then he'd send them back to Milwaukee in 1962. Now he had these two on his hands for at least a few weeks, until he could help them become independent in a time and place they had probably only vaguely ever imagined. Considering he himself was still learning how to be independent after two years in Colorado, this was going to be difficult.

"So, Mork," Laverne asked, as she wandered around the living room, looking at the furniture and decorations, "if you live with this Mindy girl, where is she?"

"She left me."

"You poor lug!"

"No, I mean she left me for the holiday weekend."

"July 4th?" Lenny guessed, from over by the window.

"Yes, Happy Independence Day!"

"Oo, can we go see fireworks tonight? I bet they'd look incredible with these clear skies."

"Um, maybe?"

"You're not ready to go public with us, are you?"

"Are you ashamed of us, Morky?" Laverne teased.

"No, it's just, well, no one is supposed to know you're here." He could understand a little now about how hard it was for Mindy to hide Mork's origins from everyone.

"Including Mindy?" Laverne said.

"Oh, I get it! You wait until your girl is out of town and then you try to throw a wild little party."

"Um, sort of. I mean, I wasn't counting on you still being here when she gets back from Denver. Well, Laverne and the Fonz still being here when Mindy gets back from Denver."

"Why'd she go to Denver?" Laverne asked.

"She's at Foodstock."

"Is that a grocery store?" Lenny wondered.

"No, it's like Woodstock for deli owners, three days of peace, love, and salami."

"What's Woodstock?" both guests asked.

"Um, later in your 1960s, there will be a giant rock & roll concert in upstate New York." Mork did his imitation of John Belushi's imitation of Joe Cocker's "With a Little Help from My Friends." Lenny and Laverne just stared at him. "Anyway, our friends Remo and Jeannie DaVinci are a brother and sister who run a mom & pop New-York-style deli in Boulder."

"Oh Gawd, I would kill for New-York-style deli food!" Laverne's Brooklyn accent thickened with hunger.

"Again, no need to threaten violence. I've got delicatessen leftovers in the refrigerator I can serve for lunch and dinner."

Laverne leaned over the kitchen counter and kissed Mork's cheek. "You are the best kidnapper ever!"

"Ah, Foodstockholm Syndrome," Mork said, to her puzzlement, and he realized that she probably hadn't heard of the Stockholm bank robbery yet.

"So why didn't the DaVincis invite you to Denver?" Lenny asked.

"They did, but yesterday Orson gave me this assignment about Earth mating, and I knew it would help to have the place to myself."

"So what are you going to do now?" Laverne asked.

"About the assignment or about explaining you two to Mindy?"

"Both."

"Well, I think it would be awkward to go looking for very cooperative Boulder Earthlings to come over and mate for me while I already have houseguests."

"I wouldn't mind," Lenny said and he bit his hand.

"Whew, that must give you intense gangneb!"

"Gang what?"

Mork pointed at his own hand with the spatula.

"Poor Mindy probably can't wear earrings if she holds hands with you, huh?"

Lenny looked baffled but Mork said, "Awk awk, humor," and went into his Swedish chef from _The Muppets_ imitation, baffling both guests.


	4. Losing Family

Over a thankfully unbizarre breakfast of toast, eggs, and bacon, the three of them talked about their lives. Mork told them of his life on Ork, where he seemed to have been the product of artificial insemination, although he didn't call it that, and his life on Earth, mostly in Boulder, plus his three trips to early '60s Milwaukee.

"So Richie Cunningham knows about you, too?" Laverne asked, as she watched Lenny put peanut butter on his toast, which was far from the strangest thing she'd seen him eat.

"Oh, yes. I don't suppose you and he...."

"I taught him to dance, but that's all I'll do with him."

"Yeah," Lenny said, as he added strawberry jam, to his bacon, "Shirley's the one who almost married him."

So then she had tell that story and a few others. She missed Shirley, and Milwaukee, even though it had been only a couple hours. She knew she'd have to go back as soon as she could. Maybe she could get a job at the deli or someplace and save up for a bus ticket.

Lenny's thoughts must've been on a similar track, because he said, "I probably can't get a trucking license without a birth certificate, can I? And I don't look 42."

"Mindy will help when she gets back," Mork said sympathetically.

"You don't think she'll be mad?" Laverne asked. "I would be."

"You despise me, don't you, Laverne?"

She laughed and shook her head at his perfect Peter Lorre. "I bet she can never stay mad at you."

He nodded. "She's very understanding."

She'd have to be to put up with his craziness for two years. It reminded Laverne a little of how she always forgave the boys when Lenny apologized. (Squiggy didn't do apologies.)

"If we're gonna be staying here awhile," Lenny said, taking up a forkful of mustard-covered scrambled eggs, "can we get a tour after breakfast?"

"Of Boulder or the house?" Mork asked.

"Let's start with the house," Lenny said with his mouth full.

Laverne felt embarrassed by Lenny's table manners, even though Mork probably didn't hold her responsible, or even notice.

....

As they all stood up from the table, Mork explained that he couldn't take them downstairs because there was another tenant, a grumpy middle-aged greeting-card designer, living on the first floor. Mr. Bickley was also away that weekend, but not at Foodstock.

Since they'd already seen the living, dining, and kitchen areas, Mork led them up to his attic bedroom. Well, it was where Mork slept, but it didn't have a bed. The furnishings were all Orkan style.

The three of them descended the pull-down staircase, Mork still leading the way. "I could get a cot for you, Lenny, if you want to share the room. And Laverne could sleep on the sofa. Or maybe you could take the sofa and Laverne could sleep with Mindy."

Lenny bit his tongue because he wished that he and Laverne could have the bed.

Laverne asked, "Is Mindy's room the one behind the closed door?"

"Yes, and the bathroom is next to that."

That was good to know. Lenny went before he left home, but they were going to be here awhile. Maybe they could get Mork to buy toothbrushes and other toiletries. At least Lenny wouldn't have to shave until the next day.

Mork led them back through the living room and to the closed door. Mindy's bedroom was as warm and cozy as the rest of her apartment. Lenny couldn't help feeling sorry for Mork about not being able to share Mindy's bed, even if Mork didn't know about all the wonderful things that beds are for.

The bathroom was nice, too, but Lenny's main thought about that was Mindy probably wouldn't be happy sharing it with two strangers. If Lenny had to, he'd use a gas station restroom. He knew there were still gas stations because he'd seen something on TV earlier about "odd-even gas rationing."

Laverne was looking in Mindy's closet. "Mork, what size is Mindy?"

"Oh, she's about as tall as me."

"No, I mean is she fat or skinny?"

"Definitely thinner than Orson."

She shook her head. "Do you think I could borrow some of her clothes, at least for this weekend?"

"Well, I guess it would be all right."

She thanked Mork but then shooed both men back to the living room, closing the door after them.

"I don't suppose you have anything that would fit me, huh?"

"Well, do you like Hawaiian shirts?"

"I love Hawaiian shirts!"

Mork smiled. "I'll be right back."

While Mork was up in the attic, Lenny cleared the table. He would need more clothes if he were going outside, and Mork's shoe and pants sizes must be smaller. Lenny might have to miss the fireworks that night, unless he could see some from the window.

By the time Mork came downstairs with a yellow Hawaiian shirt, Lenny had started doing the dishes.

"Oh, you don't have to do that."

"Well, I want to be a good guest while I'm here." OK, Lenny hadn't asked to visit, and Mork hadn't exactly invited him, but he was here and he didn't want to impose.

"Thank you." Mork held out the shirt, so Lenny thanked him and put it on. It was loose enough that it fit, but Lenny was pretty skinny despite his height.

Then Laverne came back to the living room. She was wearing a light blue University of Colorado T-shirt, a long gray skirt, brown boots, and a sad expression. She asked, "Mork, did Mindy's mother die?"

Mork frowned. "Yes, when she was a little girl. How did you know?"

"In her bedroom, there's a black-and-white picture of a couple with a baby, and a color picture of that same man with a teenage girl."

"Her widowed father raised her."

Laverne nodded. "My pop raised me after my mom died."

Lenny wanted to go over and give her a hug. He knew how much the loss of her mother still affected her.

Mork said, "We don't really have parents on Ork, but I've seen how important they are on Earth."

"He's 70 now, if he's still alive."

Lenny hadn't thought of that, but he still hadn't fully processed that so much time had passed.

"Mork, I need to see him."

The spaceman sighed. "Well, I suppose we can all save up money for you to go to Milwaukee, but even if he's still there and alive, we'll have to be careful, because we don't know if you're still there and alive."

It hadn't occurred to Lenny that any of them could be dead. He had the feeling that President Kennedy had died, and not of natural causes, although JFK was younger than Mr. DeFazio, but what if Laverne's other self was gone? Or Squiggy, or Lenny himself?

Laverne shook her head and came into the kitchen. "Lenny Sweetie, I need you to make love to me."

He dropped a plate in surprise.

....

"I'm sorry, Mork," Lenny mumbled, looking down at the floor.

"No problemo," Mork said, climbing onto the divider between the living room and the kitchen. He sat up there and pointed his finger down at the shattered plate. The dish reassembled itself and landed gently in the sink.

Laverne looked at him. "If you can do that, can you keep me from getting pregnant?"

"Hm, I think so. If you explain to me how pregnancy works, because I'm shaky on the details."

"OK, because I don't want to make a baby in 1980 and have it in 1963."

Mork thought that would be a fascinating experiment, but he could understand her reluctance. Slipping into his William F. Buckley, which he was pretty sure they'd recognize, he asked, "Are there any other provisos, quid pro quos, prerequisites, or addendums you'd like to offer for consideration before proceeding in the matter of, as it were, mating?"

"Uh, yeah, I've got a few conditions."

"Wait a minute," Lenny said, "I haven't said yes."

They both looked at him and Laverne pouted as she said, "You don't want me, Len?"

Lenny groaned. "Of course I want you, Laverne! But what if we do it and we're still stuck here? Are you gonna resent me for desiring you and screwing up Mork's time-travel spell?"

Mork was about to explain that it wasn't a spell, when Laverne said, "No, I'm gonna resent Mork."

Mork curled up in a fetal position on the divider and said in his little-kid voice, "I messed up so bad!"

"Oh God, I hate it when you do the baby thing!"

"I'm sowwy!" Mork put his thumb in his mouth, not used to a woman's anger because Mindy was usually so sweet and patient with him.

"Morky, please stop!"

His whimpers were muffled by his thumb.

"Laverne, what's going on?" Lenny asked helplessly.

She sighed and put her arms around Mork's chest from behind. "Well, it looks like I'm carrying a baby after all. Can you get his legs?"

"Yeah, sure."

The two Earthlings carried Mork, still curled up, to the living room and set him gently on the couch. Laverne sat by his head, while Lenny took the chair. She stroked Mork's hair and sighed wearily.

"Look, Mork, I like you. Yeah, you made a huge mistake but we can try to fix it, me and Lenny."

Lenny shook his head. "You said you didn't want me. You said you wouldn't have even done it with Fonzie or Tony Curtis. And now, just because you think your dad might be dead in this time, you're gonna, what, hold your nose and have sex with me?"

In his regular voice, Mork said, "They hold noses during mating on Uranus, too."

Laverne looked at him and then shook her head. "Len, I love you as a friend. You're a real sweet guy and, to be honest, if I had to be stuck in the future, I can't think of anyone I'd rather be stuck with."

"Really? Not even Shirley?"

She laughed. "Nah, she's too set in her ways." She sighed. "I do miss her though."

"I miss Squiggy, too, but, like I said, this might not work. And then we'll have fooled around for nothing."

"For nothing? I think we'll at least have a good time, don't you?"

"Well, yeah."

"So let's try it. I mean, what do we have to lose?"

Mork sat up and Buckleyed, "Now regarding those provisos, quid pro quos, prerequisites, and addendums...."


	5. Losing the Competition

Laverne took a deep breath. She'd made up her mind while putting on Mindy's clothes and she felt like this was the right decision, all things considered. But that didn't mean this was something she took lightly, and not just because literally her whole future depended on it.

"OK, first of all no one else on Earth, except maybe Mindy, can know about this." She'd rather keep it a secret among the three of them, but if sleeping with Lenny didn't work, then Mork was going to have to explain his guests to his roommate.

"Not even Squiggy?"

"Especially not Squiggy." Laverne had her reputation to think about. Not only didn't she want to seem easy, but she also didn't want to seem crazy for believing in spacemen and time travel. Well, Shirley would probably think she was crazy just for going all the way with Lenny.

"I certainly won't say anything," Mork said, "since it would blow my cover."

She knew Mork would make an exception for Orson, whose idea this was to begin with, which was why she had said "on Earth." "Also, when you watch us, you can take notes, but you can't record us or take pictures, and you definitely can't film us." Laverne had an exhibitionist streak, but she didn't relish the idea of being in an Orkan stag film.

"Can I take head shots of you right now, just to attach to the report?"

"I'm not wearing any makeup and I haven't done anything to my hair this morning."

"I think you look nice, Laverne."

Lenny had thought she looked nice in a Lizzie Borden gown with fruit punch spilled all over her. But she just said, "Thanks, Len. OK, Mork, go ahead."

She expected Mork to take out a camera, and she was curious what futuristic cameras looked like. But of course he used his hand, like he did for almost all his powers. "Watch the flukey," he said and then the flash went off. "Now available with Polaroid." He stuck out his tongue and there was a blank photograph on the tip of it.

She gingerly took the photo off his tongue and shook it. Then an image of her slowly emerged. She looked all right, considering.

Lenny came over and knelt next to the couch. "Wow!" he said, and Laverne assumed he was reacting to the technology, not to her likeness, although you never knew with Lenny. "Do me now!"

Mork went into some character who seemed to be a flamboyant fashion photographer, as he told Lenny to "move it, work it, shake it, don't break it" and "make love to the camera, no, don't touch my hand!" Lenny posed clumsily but eagerly and Laverne tried not to laugh. She really wished she could share this with Shirley, but of course that was impossible, even if she made it home.

The photos that Mork spat out of Lenny were silly and adorable. "Can I keep this one?" Laverne asked about the one where Lenny was trying to look "sultry."

Lenny looked surprised and Mork said, "Yes, if you don't tell anyone how you got it."

"I think I can promise that."

"What other promises do you want me to make?"

"You can't touch us or distract us too much."

"Define distraction."

"No jokes, no imitations, no running around the room like a crazy person."

"I'll try to restrain myself."

"You got any conditions, Len?"

"Um, not for Mork."

She crossed her arms. "For me?"

"Well, I don't want to be greedy...."

She laughed. "OK."

"To start off, can we make out on the couch awhile?"

She smiled. "Sure."

Mork stood up and said, in what Laverne thought might be a quote from _All About Eve_ , "I guess at this point I'm what the French call 'de trop.' " He sashayed over to the chair, making her snort. Lenny climbed onto the couch and looked into her eyes. It hit her that this was real and it had barely started. She uncrossed her arms and put them around his neck.

....

It had been quite a morning for Lenny so far, and he honestly didn't know which was more incredible, the time-and-space travel or the promise of sex with Laverne. He would've preferred that she had changed her mind because she really wanted him, but he was glad that at least this was her idea. And it would be great if they could go back home afterwards, but if not, well, they'd have a very nice memory in the future.

And, yes, he was extra nervous, having to live up to whatever her expectations were, as well as to be a representative of Earthly male prowess for the entire planet of Ork, or at least whoever would read Mork's report.

Lenny looked into Laverne's green eyes, trying to read them, but then she put her arms around his neck and he knew the makeout was about to start. He had asked for this transition, knowing he couldn't just jump right into jumping her, especially with an audience. At least he'd already kissed Laverne, and Mork had already been kissed, so there wouldn't be a lot of questions at first.

Lenny and Laverne puckered up, tilted their heads, and leaned in. As soon as their lips met, and he remembered how warm and soft and Laverny hers were, he thought about just drawing out the makeout. After all, they had a whole three-day weekend before Mindy would return. Why not leave voe-dee-oh-doe until the very end? That way he could spend more time with her, and they wouldn't lose any time back in Milwaukee, because Mork would probably send them back to the moment they left. Unless of course this didn't work, in which case there was definitely no point in rushing things.

Lenny's resolve started to dissolve as Laverne caressed the back of his neck and her tongue teased its way into his mouth. None of their kisses had ever been soul kisses before and this took things to a whole new level. He still wanted to make out for hours, but he also felt like he wasn't going to last until the afternoon without being inside her.

She sucked his tongue with skill and affection, but not desire. It was like she was trying to get him worked up without being worked up herself. He promised himself that he would do his best to make her really want him before she had him.

Lenny was just about to suck Laverne's tongue when Mork said, "I'm very sorry to interrupt, and I'm really trying not to be a distraction, but I just wanted to ask if making out means sliding tongues together as well as lips."

Lenny and Laverne's mouths parted in as much amusement as annoyance. Lenny reminded himself that they were supposed to be helping with Mork's research.

Laverne answered, "Making out covers a lot, sometimes everything but."

"Everything but what?"

"Everything but sex, mating."

"So what's next?"

Lenny thought about explaining the base system but he'd always been fuzzy about third base. So he said, "Necking."

"And what is that?"

"Using your mouth on someone else's neck."

"Oh, yes, Mindy has done that to me a few times. Sorry for my emotional outburst, but I love it!"

Laverne grinned mischievously. "So does Lenny." Then she started nuzzling and kissing his neck. She was right. He loved this.

But necking was a two-way street. So Lenny said, "It's better if you do it back to the girl." And he started nuzzling and kissing Laverne's neck.

"Oo, Lenny," she purred. Good, he could get to her, even if it was just that she liked making out.

They kept escalating, not just kissing but licking and sucking and even nibbling each other's neck.

"Len," she gasped, "no hickeys! Shirley saw me when I got up this morning and she knows I didn't have any."

He knew Squiggy also would have a lot of questions if Lenny walked out of their bathroom with love bites, so he switched to butterfly kisses, which made her sigh.

"What are hickeys? Are they like doohickeys?"

Lenny raised his mouth from Laverne's neck and said, "No, doohickeys are thingamabobs. Hickeys are when you bite someone's neck hard enough to leave a mark. They're a symbol of passion and naughtiness."

"Ah, that explains why Mindy never gave me one. Plus, she's nonviolent."

"They're not abuse," Laverne managed to say. "It's like when something hurts so good, you know?"

"No."

Mork was so innocent, even more innocent than someone like Shirley, who knew what she was abstaining from, and who had definitely necked with Carmine. (Lenny and Squiggy had seen it multiple times, including at the drive-in.) If it was just Lenny and Mork talking, he would explain to the spaceman, like he would to a little brother if he had one, that love itself could hurt, like when you loved someone more or in a different way than they loved you.

"Well," Laverne said, "hickeys are optional with necking."

"And what's after necking?"

Lenny bit his lower lip and thought of something he could do to Laverne that she couldn't reciprocate.

....

Mork was doing his best to be an objective observer, a researcher in the noble cause of gathering and spreading knowledge across the universe. But his thoughts were meandering like a restless wind inside a letter box. Yes, Mindy had kissed and touched him but it was lighter, playful in a less competitive way. He knew that humans getting intimate was both "fooling around" and "getting serious," and he was starting to see why. This was almost like a sport, Lenny vs. Laverne, and Mork didn't really understand why.

At the same time, he was starting to have very un-Orson-approved feelings and physical reactions to their display. He wasn't sure how he was going to keep himself together to and through the mating. But this was a dirty job and someone had to do it. So he asked about what came after necking and got an answer that seemed to surprise Laverne as much as himself.

Lenny slipped one of his hands under the blue T-shirt that fit Laverne more snugly than Mindy. The Earthman seemed to be feeling his way up to and onto Laverne's chest, making the Earthwoman exclaim, "Lenny!"

"You know about boobs, right, Mork?"

"Like on the boob tube?"

"Uh, what's that?" Lenny asked.

Maybe Earthlings didn't say that until later in the '60s. "It's a term for television."

"Oh. Well, I'm talkin' about breasts, tits, God, so many great words for these soft bags of flesh on a woman's chest!"

"Lenny," Laverne said, squirming not unhappily. Mork knew from movies, TV, and real life that if Laverne didn't like whatever Lenny was doing under Mindy's shirt, she would slap him or otherwise stop him.

"Do you know what bras are?"

"Yes, I've done Mindy's laundry. They're sort of like yarmulkes for the chest."

Laverne snorted but Lenny said, "Sort of. Well, Laverne isn't wearing one, just that full-slip, and the material is real thin and...." He bit his lip again, then continued, "I can feel her nipples getting harder."

"And nipples are?"

Lenny looked into Laverne's half-closed eyes. "Can we show him?"

"I'll take off my shirt, I mean Mindy's shirt, but the slip stays on for now."

Mork was surprised that Laverne and Lenny weren't just rushing into the mating, that they were drawing out the makeout to the extent that they were. But he didn't mind, and it would give more dimensions to his report.

"OK," Lenny said and helped her strip off the University of Colorado apparel. Then Lenny lightly traced with his fingertips the pointy parts of Laverne's chest, which Mork could see looked like darker circles under the slip. "These are nipples and when they get like this on a woman, it means she's sexually excited, getting in the mood for mating."

"Ah, and what are the symptoms on a man?"

"This is the biggest symptom on a man," Laverne said, putting one hand firmly on the bulge in Lenny's pajamas.

Lenny gasped, "I have another squid pro quo!"


	6. Losing Clothes

Laverne had thought she could sort of control her reaction to Lenny. She'd get excited enough to go to bed with him, assuming Mork would let them use Mindy's bed. (Otherwise, this couch seemed comfortable enough.) The main thing was to get Lenny excited enough to perform well enough that they could go home, which should be easy.

But at some point during the necking, and certainly by the time he was teasing her breasts under the blue T-shirt and over her full-slip, she realized she was definitely enjoying making out with Lenny, and not just because she enjoyed making out.

She knew though that exciting her must excite him, so she, well, reminded him she had the upper hand.

And meanwhile, they had a spaceman watching them, trying to understand. Mork seemed to be the most innocent of perverts, curious in a not exactly scholarly way. It obviously felt strange to have Lenny explain her nipples to a grown man, but she knew that this was only the beginning of the anatomy lesson.

When she touched Lenny's crotch, that did not mean that she was ready to explain penises to Mork. For all she knew, Mork had one himself. It was a message to Lenny to, well, not get too cocky.

When Lenny gasped, "I have another squid pro quo!", she loosened her hold on his groin, but she did not yet move her hand away. "For me?" she whispered.

"Yeah, you can't touch me there until it's time."

She thought she understood. It was fine, inevitable in fact, to make Lenny hard. But she shouldn't do anything that would make him come before he could come in her.

She lifted her hand and shifted on the couch so that one foot teasingly pointed at his chest. "Then why don't you help me take off Mindy's boots?"

He swallowed. "OK "

They were sturdy enough boots to survive a Colorado winter, but a style that reflected what Laverne had been able to observe of Mindy. Laverne's so far unmet new housemate seemed to be a year or two younger, a Journalism major with a job at her father's music store. Laverne knew nothing about '70s and '80s fashion, and from the little Mork had told them about late '60s music, movies, and TV, her own decade would also see some changes in what women wore. But Mindy seemed to like nice, pretty, modest, but not overly feminine clothes. Laverne wanted to wear a T-shirt because it was July, although it wasn't unbearably hot like it would've been in a Milwaukee basement. Laverne knew she would never go to college and, unlike Shirley, had never really wanted to. However, she liked the idea of looking like a college girl for awhile, even if she might soon be shedding her clothes and trying to get home.

The boots made her feel taller and more confident, but she was sitting down and hopefully soon would be lying down. And taking them off would be an important part of her and Lenny's mutual seduction. As for Mork, he needed to learn that there was more to Earth mating than just sex.

However, having a man take off your boots wasn't as sexy as it looked in the movies, especially if the man was as nervous and clumsy as Lenny. It wasn't as disastrous as when she and Shirley had taken off Fonzie's boots a couple hours before the shotgun double wedding with Richie, but she nearly kicked Lenny in the face as he struggled to disrobe her feet. She wished that the boots had zippers, but it was too late now.

When he got the first boot off, he caressed her left leg and said, "Nylons?"

"Yeah, I hope Mindy won't mind that I borrowed them. I thought we might go outside later if we didn't end up fooling around."

"But Mork's pants and shoes probably won't fit me."

She thought of suggesting he wear Mindy's clothes, too, and pass himself off as "Lenore" again, but she didn't want to have to explain "drag" to Mork. So she suggestively said, "Well, I think you'll be staying in for awhile."

Lenny gulped and nodded. Then he eagerly if clumsily got her other boot off. "Oh, sorry, I think I tore the nylons a little."

"We'll have to get Mindy a new pair later." Once they had money.

"Yeah," Lenny said, and then he stuck his pinky (not the one he'd put into Mork's ear) into the tear, teasing her shaved right leg and avoiding the Band-Aid.

She couldn't help letting out a gasp of surprise and pleasure as he ripped his way upward.

....

Lenny thought Mindy's legs must be at least as long as Laverne's, because the hem of the gray skirt hung very low on Laverne. He pushed that hem up with one hand as his other hand made a long run on Laverne's right leg. He was thinking of the fishnets she wore when she was the Mad Hatter for an _Alice in Wonderland_ production they were all going to do, until Shirley had to have an operation. Laverne had had sequined purple shorts on, so he'd gotten a lot of very good looks at her legs, but his Tweedledee (or maybe he was 'Dum) costume was baggy enough to hide that arousal. It was never just lust with him and Laverne though, and he'd done his best to comfort Laverne at the hospital, with hugs and hand-holding. (OK, and he and Squiggy offered to give Shirley a sponge bath, but Lenny never claimed to be monogamous in his lust.)

He wanted to tease and excite Laverne, even if he was also teasing and exciting himself. And the nylons were a lost cause once they ripped, so why not, well, let it rip?

He got up to her knees and now pushed up the hem of the slip, too. He was getting closer and closer to his final destination and he kept waiting for garters or something that was holding up the nylons. Until he realized that the nylons somehow covered up her panties. "What are these?"

"I think they're called pantyhose," Laverne said. "I've never worn them before."

"Ah, yes, if I may offer a brief historical fashion note. According to Mindy, pantyhose were invented in the 1950s but did not become popular until the rise, pardon my pun, of the miniskirt in the mid '60s."

"The miniskirt?" Laverne repeated.

"Yes, hemlines inched up to the knee and, by the end of that decade, far up the woman's thigh."

"Mork, you gotta get us back to the '60s!" Lenny bit his hand in frustration.

"Well, that's up to you, young Leonard Kosnowski."

Lenny nodded and took his hand out of his mouth. He reminded himself that he had two luscious legs right in front of him and he could run the run right up to the crotch.

Then Laverne asked, "Lenny, can you help me get the skirt and nylons off but leave the slip and panties?"

"OK." He liked undressing her, even if he was nervous about it.

The nylons were easy, when she lifted her bottom so he could peel them off. He tossed them to the floor, making a mental note to pick them up and throw them away before Mindy got home, if he was still there.

And then he unzipped the long skirt, eased it off, and set it on the coffee table. Now Laverne was down to just the slip and panties she'd arrived in, but she definitely wasn't covering up with a blanket now.

He started necking with her again, but this time his hands went up and under her slip so he could tease her sweet tits.

"Oh, Lenny!" she moaned in his ear.

"Wanna show them to Mork and have him watch me suck them!" he whispered.

"God, Len!" she groaned, and then she tore off the slip herself.

Her chest was tan except for what a bra or bikini top would cover, and that part was pink like the inside of a seashell, except for the naturally tan nipples. Without looking at their host, Lenny murmured, "See how pretty and sexy she is, Mork?"

"Yes," Mork said quietly.

"Before I mate with her, I'm gonna put my mouth all over her chest."

"Is this called chesting?"

Both Lenny and Laverne struggled not to laugh. "It's called lots of things," Lenny said, more in the mood to show than to tell, especially with Laverne now leaning back and sticking her chest out for his attention. So his head landed on those two skin-pillows and he left it to Laverne to explain, if she was able.

At first he just buried his face in her cleavage, feeling her softness surround him. Yes, he wanted to have sex with her, but this was an even older goal, ever since he noticed that the tomboy down the street was now getting curvy, even if she could still kick his ass. Her grown-up breasts were perfect, as he always suspected, not the biggest he'd ever seen, but big enough for his purposes, and firm yet soft, so soft.

He gently kissed her cleavage and then kissed up each side. She stroked his hair, which he hadn't had a chance to slick back that morning. At least by now it was dry from the shower.

"Sweet Lenny," she murmured.

He always had mixed feelings about her calling him sweet. He knew it was why she liked him better than Squiggy, although she claimed he was even better-looking than his best friend. But men were supposed to be tough, not sweet, and Squiggy mocked him for his sweetness, particularly with Laverne. She herself usually went for the tough guys, like Jake the Snake and Moose Crenshaw. And yet, Randy Carpenter had been sweet, as well as strong and brave, and Laverne had adored him.

Lenny didn't have much going for him, just a hopeless love for all of Laverne. But at least he could express some of that love, and all of his desire, this weekend.

....

Lenny and Laverne weren't explaining this part, but that wasn't the only reason that Mork was watching in utter fascination. He knew that Earthwomen each had two breasts. It was one of the gender markers for humans. Breasts varied in size, shape, and color. He'd never seen completely naked ones in person before Laverne's, but he had seen plenty in R-rated movies.

Lenny's head was now obscuring Mork's view, but Mork saw enough to imagine Mindy reacting to Mork's head on her chest. He told himself that he was just an objective observer, but that hadn't been true for most of his time on Earth, and it definitely wasn't now. He tried to make mental notes on the way Lenny switched from kissing to licking to sucking, how Laverne's tender caresses of Lenny's hair shifted to hair-pulling, but it was all just one increasingly frantic blur.

And Laverne went from sighing Lenny's name tenderly to calling it out desperately. She wanted something more from Lenny but Mork wasn't clear what. Not mating, not yet, since she wasn't removing her panties or asking Lenny to, but maybe she wanted something in between.

And then she grabbed the throw pillow that Mork had demonstrated time-freezing on, taking it off the floor and putting it between her legs. She thrust her pelvis against it, again and again.

Lenny stopped sucking one of her nipples to watch her and then he growled, "Laverne!" He moved one hand down to remove the pillow, but she stopped him.

"Not safe!" she gasped.

So they shifted and he was lying on top of her, with her thighs spread around his hips. The two Earthlings thrust their pelvises together, with her panties, Lenny's pajamas, and the pillow between them. Mork thought that must be one happy pillow and he'd never been more jealous of household furnishings. He watched with his mouth open, trying not to drool, as his houseguests rocked together, crying each other's names, so hungry for each other in a hunger that Mork had only caught glimpses of in R-rated movies. He did his best to be a silent audience, not to interrupt their mating with the pillow, if that was what this was.

"Oh God, coming, Laverne!" Lenny gasped.

"Yes, sweet Lenny, oh yes, Baby! God, soon, we'll— oh, wow, yes, yes, YES!"

"LAVERNE!!!"

Their hands clutched each other, on bottoms and backs, as they rode this crazy ride to what seemed to be its inevitable conclusion. Mork was disappointed that he hadn't got to see what this looked like without clothes, but at least Laverne was mostly naked. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to prevent pregnancy, since they hadn't explained that part to him, but maybe he could disinfect the pillow later. He half expected the chronioteleportation to reverse itself as soon as the time-travelers quieted down and returned to gentle kisses and caresses, but, no, there they still were, lying on Mindy's red couch.

Then Laverne looked over at him and asked, "Mork, can we use Mindy's bed?"

"Oh, do you need to rest after mating?"

Their laughter was kind if a little condescending.


	7. Losing Control

Laverne hadn't intended to masturbate with the throw pillow, with or without Lenny's help. She generally didn't touch herself, partly for religious reasons and partly due to lack of privacy, sharing a bedroom with Shirley the past six years. But Lenny had her so worked up and frustrated, she had to do something.

And then humping the pillow turned into dry-humping Lenny. It gave her a preview of what sex with him would be like, his weight on her, his style. She felt both release and greater frustration as they came near but not quite next to each other.

She knew it would be awhile until Lenny would be hard again, but they needed to go to bed and be ready to launch into sex as soon as he got another erection. She'd explain pregnancy to Mork and he'd come up with some way to prevent it.

She couldn't help being amused that Mork thought she and Lenny just wanted to use the bed for sleeping, and that the dry-humping was actual mating. As nicely as she could, she said, "That was just more making out. Lenny's going to have to get ready and naked before we can mate."

Mork looked puzzled. "He's still not ready?"

Lenny blushed as he stood up and said, "I was."

"Why is the top front of your pajamas wet like that?"

Looking down, Lenny said, "Um, well, the part of me that fits into women carries extremely tiny seeds that babies can grow from. And the seeds float in a sticky white liquid that shoots out of me when I have intense sexual pleasure, even if it's not inside a woman."

"Then there must be less human mating than I thought, considering the population numbers."

Laverne smiled as she sat up, the pillow still on her lap. "Pregnancy doesn't happen every time, thank God."

"Yeah," Lenny said, "and there are ways to cut down on the chances."

"Unfortunately, we didn't bring any of those ways with us, since we weren't planning on this visit."

"Sorry about that, but if it's just keeping his seeds from landing in you, I can probably work something out."

"Uh, there's a little more to it than that. Women have eggs, very tiny eggs, but not as tiny as the seeds. A seed has to get into one of the eggs to start a baby, and even then not every egg-seed gets born."

"Hm, in that case I think I might have a plan, but I'll need you to both get naked."

"Can we please go in the bedroom now?" She felt like they'd already been too intimate for a living room.

"Of course." Mork stood up and headed towards the closed door.

She stood, too, now with the pillow in front of her panties, like a weird sort of fig-leaf. She and Lenny followed the spaceman into his housemate's room. He took another chair and Laverne sat on the foot of the bed.

Lenny remained standing and stripped off the Hawaiian shirt, which he set on Mindy's dresser. "Thanks, Mork. Um, can I leave my pajamas on for the moment?"

"If you want. But I would like to see Laverne naked."

Mork didn't say it leeringly but she still felt a little shy. She reminded herself that she was going to have to mate with Lenny in front of him and she was practically naked already. She set down the stained pillow and eased off her moist blue Tuesday panties. She glanced over at Lenny. He wasn't biting his hand but his blue eyes were big, though his pajama bulge was of course smaller now.

Mork asked, "Is that where Lenny fits into you?"

"Well, he hasn't yet but, um, the other two men I've mated with were in this general area." First Moose Crenshaw one night in the back of his pick-up truck, and then months later the times with Randy at his apartment.

"Can I see where specifically Lenny would go in?"

"Um, yeah." She lay back and spread her legs. Her fingertips traced the wet opening as she said, "The man's part, the fancy word for it is 'penis,' but there are lots and lots of words, goes inside me here, into my, well, my vagina."

"Lots of words for that, too," Lenny murmured, his eyes totally riveted on her now.

She really wanted to touch herself, so she had to move her hand away, not give in to the temptation to "jill off" (as she once heard Terry Buttafucco refer to it) in front of these two very curious men.

"And I can't touch you there, can I?" Mork asked.

"No, just Lenny." As she said it, she thought of how when she woke up that morning, she never would've thought she'd give Lenny permission to touch her so intimately, but compared to voe-dee-oh-doe, well.

"In that case, Lenny, can I touch your fingertip?"

"Um, sure." Lenny walked over to Mork's chair and held out his hand.

"I'm going to transfer a little of my powers to you."

"You can do that?"

"Oh, yes, you see on my third and final visit to Milwaukee in the early 1960s, I again spoke with Richie Cunningham and the Fonz. I was able to time-freeze their friends and then temporarily transfer my power to make the time-frozen move like puppets." Mork leapt to his feet and did a perfect rendition of Little Eva's "Locomotion," one of the hottest songs of the time that Laverne and Lenny had, hopefully temporarily, left behind.

Laverne propped herself up on her elbows to watch and waited until he was done to say, "I don't wanna be a puppet." It was bad enough at the Shotz Talent Show with Shirley.

Mork started singing, "Pull the string and I'll wink at you, I'm your puppet. I'll do funny things if you want me to, I'm your puppet." Seeing their blank looks, he said, "Sorry, that's a little after your time. This will be a different power, the power to stop your egg from receiving his seed."

"Is that temporary, too?"

"Lenny!"

"Not that I wanna knock you up, Laverne," Lenny said, looking over at her with an expression like he desperately wanted to impregnate her someday. "Especially not in the '80s. But for your sake, I think you would be a good mother when you get married. Not like my mother," he mumbled the last part.

"Well, thank you."

"Is 'knocking up' another word for getting pregnant?"

"Yeah, there are lots of words for that, too," Laverne said.

"Well, this power will just be temporary, until you go back to your own time and place."

That sounded good, especially if they were still stuck in 1980 after Lenny came inside her. She wouldn't necessarily want to do it with Lenny again, but maybe she would get a boyfriend in the future, even if she would be secretly a generation older than any eligible men she'd meet this decade.

Lenny held out his hand again and said, "I'm ready to take on the power."

....

Even though Lenny dreamed of Laverne being the mother of his children someday, he understood her fear of pregnancy, especially in this unique situation. And if it would help her to relax their first time, then he was all for it. It would definitely be better than spilling his seed on the pillow.

Mork put the tip of his magical pointer finger against the tip of Lenny's ordinary but hard-working pointer. It made a buzzing sound like out of a sci-fi movie and Lenny's finger tingled. Mork matter-of-factly said, "And now you insert your finger into her vagina."

"Um, OK," Lenny said, blushing again. He walked over to Laverne as Mork sank back into the chair. Lenny knelt next to the bed but didn't immediately put his empowered finger in his crush. He stroked her spread thighs and said, "I really like you, Laverne."

She caressed his face. "I know, Len. Um, what happened to your Band-Aid?"

He felt his own chin. "I think it came off during the makeout." He looked up and she looked down at her cleavage, and there it was. They both laughed softly. "I'm not still bleeding, am I?"

"No, it looks fine."

"Good," he said, peeling the Band-Aid carefully out of her cleavage.

"Is mine still on?"

He stroked further down her leg and found it. "Yeah."

"I really like you, too, Lenny."

He smiled and his other hand, the one with the magic finger, moved up, brushing aside damp dark blonde pubic hair to get to her private lips. "So pretty," he murmured, marveling at the colors and shapes.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He inserted that finger, just a little way to start with, but then he played with her clit using his thumb, and the opening widened for him and he had to put his middle finger in, too, as deep as he could get.

"God, Len!" She thrust against his hand and he wished so much that he hadn't come against the pillow. But he would be hard again in awhile and meantime he could pleasure her in other ways.

"I wanna taste how wet I've made you."

"Jesus, Len!"

He looked over his shoulder and told Mork, "This is called lots of things, too, but I like to call it eating pussy." He kissed Laverne's folds lightly, wanting just a hint of that taboo deliciousness to start out with, and knowing she still hadn't said yes or no.

"Do women like to be kissed there?"

"Yes!" Laverne gasped.

Lenny took that as permission to lick, and she responded by stroking his hair and wiggling against his face. He loved the taste of her but he also loved knowing that he was giving her pleasure, probably more pleasure than she ever expected from him.

She was very vocal about that pleasure, telling him what to do but also letting this happen to her. It was like they were each puppet and puppeteer. Desire controlled them, as it had on the couch, but they were also using desire as a tool.

And all the while, a spaceman was watching them, maybe getting sexually excited, probably at least experiencing emotions that were forbidden on his home planet. Lenny felt a little sorry for Mork, but it wasn't like they just showed up and started making out in front of him. Lenny thought Mork was lucky to get a free show like this, watching a sexy girl like Laverne come again and again. Not as lucky as Lenny was though, having that sexy girl come on his face and around his fingers.

He couldn't help wondering how many guys had done this to Laverne. It wasn't exactly a common hobby in 1962 Milwaukee, not compared to screwing. He wouldn't have even known about it if he hadn't seen Squiggy perform it at the apartment at a few of their "orgies." Squiggy told him it was one of the secrets to his success with the ladies. Word got around and the chicks came running, not to Fonzie-levels (Lenny didn't know what Fonzie's secret was), but enough to keep Squiggy occupied and satisfied. It was funny, because Squiggy wasn't exactly an unselfish person, but Lenny understood that he gave women pleasure in order to get pleasure.

Lenny hadn't actually done it that often, because the girls he went out with thought it was more personal than screwing, like he would see some hidden side of them or something. Or they thought they smelled funny or it was sinful, more sinful than sex, or whatever. But a few said, "If you really want to," so he got to practice on them for Laverne, although obviously he wasn't telling them that.

He could tell by the way Laverne was moving and talking that she'd had this before but not often and not recently. He'd guess probably not since Randy, but he wasn't going to ask, not now and not in front of Mork.

He waited until she reached orgasm again before he stopped and said, "I gotta rest my mouth."

"Come up on the bed and rest all of you," she said, again stroking his hair instead of pulling on it.

He nodded and followed that direction.

....

Mork had again watched as a non-objective observer, making mental notes for his report but also imagining doing something like this to Mindy, if he should ever be so lucky. He hadn't been able to see exactly what Lenny was doing, again with Lenny's head in the way, and now with so much of the action inside Laverne, but he could imagine what he didn't see. He hadn't transferred over his ability to drink with his finger, so that was one pleasure that Mork could experience that Lenny couldn't. He imagined himself drinking Mindy's pleasure-liquid and he had trouble controlling himself, not at least touching his own groin.

Afterwards, the two Earthlings talked as if they were alone. Laverne had been the only one talking for awhile, loudly and with her New York accent stronger than ever. Mork didn't understand everything she said, but maybe he could ask later, things like "rub my button, tease my aching clit," "fill me with your fingers like your schlong will when it's hard again," and "eat me, eat my box until I come!"

And now Mork's guests were cuddling, their heads on clean pillows.

He couldn't help asking, "When does Lenny get naked?", even though he knew enough of Earth customs to be aware that someone who was perceived as male, as he was, should not express curiosity about another man's body.

"Well, there's not much to see right now." Mork had observed enough already that he knew Lenny had low self-esteem.

"Come on, Len," Laverne said, nuzzling his neck, "even if you're limp, I wanna see ya, and you know I can make you hard again."

Her hand teased onto Lenny's bare chest, grazing his dark pink nipples, which were as stiff as her own. Lenny's torso was much less hairy than Mork's, but he knew that Earthmen varied in this regard. There was a patch of dark blond hair at the bottom of Lenny's stomach, leading into the pajamas.

"Mmm, a love trail," Laverne said, as she traced it and followed it into the pajamas.

"Laverne!" Lenny's voice trembled.

"You see, Mork, penises can be hard or soft, or sometimes in between, like Lenny's is right now. They have to be hard to shoot their seeds, but they get soft after that. Then after awhile, they can get hard again."

"What makes them hard?" he asked.

"Sexy things and people, or sometimes just— um, Mork, do you have a penis?". She was looking right at Mork's crotch, while still fondling Lenny's.

"I'm not really sure. You see, on Ork parts are interchangeable."

"Oh."

"But whatever equipment I have, it's what I packed when I left Ork a couple years ago, and watching you two has made it very hard."

His guests glanced at each other and then she said, "You poor lug, are you gonna make it through the mating?"

"Yeah, um, do you wanna go in the bathroom and take care of it?"

"I guess that would be less distracting." Mork got up and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He took down his suspenders and unzipped his jeans. He took down his jeans and boxer shorts and then he unscrewed his genitals, setting them on the counter. Now he'd be able to focus and truly be professional.


	8. Losing Focus

Laverne kissed Lenny's cheek once Mork was out of the room. "How are you doin', Len?"

"Good. I just feel a little shy."

"In front of me or in front of Mork?"

"Well, both."

"If this works, you'll never have to see Mork again. And as for me...."

The bathroom door opened suddenly, much sooner than expected. Laverne couldn't help looking over at Mork's crotch again. He seemed as smooth as a girl now, unless in his limp state he was too small to be noticeable in not very tight jeans.

Laverne focused on Lenny again as Mork returned to the chair. Her friend was definitely responding to her touches and she couldn't help easing down his pajamas with her other hand. And there it was, his penis so red it was almost purple, and pointing straight at her.

She wanted to ask Mork if his interchangeable part was like this. And she wanted to tell Lenny he had nothing to be shy about. Instead she looked into Lenny's eager if nervous eyes and said, "Ready?"

He nodded and asked, "Um, what position?"

"Can I sit on you? It would be the best position for Mork to see, um, penetration and everything."

Lenny grinned and tweaked one of her nipples with his stickier hand. "Yeah, you can ride me, Laverne."

She blushed but sat up. As Lenny stripped off his pajamas and moved so that he could lay across the foot of the bed, she said, "Lenny and I are going to mate now, Mork. There are lots of different positions we could do this in, but this one should be the easiest for you to observe."

"Hey, you two are the experts. I defer to your experience."

That made Laverne feel like a floozy, at least in comparison to the virginal alien. Then again, she had already fooled around with and was about to mount a man she wasn't in love with, for the edification and entertainment of an acquaintance. That didn't exactly make her Shirley Feeney.

She looked over at Lenny, waiting for her, as he'd been waiting for her who knew how many years, although probably never in a set-up like this. He'd already given her pleasure, been her lover in some sense. She didn't want to think about afterwards, especially since she didn't know where or when that afterwards would be.

She was going to do her best to just focus on riding Lenny, feeling the man who most desired her fill her with that desire.

....

There she was, Lenny's dream girl next door, smiling down at him as she knelt on the bed. She swung one leg over him with athleticism and grace, so her knees pressed into the sides of his stomach. And then she lowered her pelvis until his penis was tickling just outside of the entrance between her legs. She positioned him with one hand and then wriggled down so that the head and then the staff entered her.

"Mmm, Lenny, that feels good!"

"Yeah!" he gasped. Her wet walls surrounded his cock, hugging and teasing him. She'd take him all the way in, and gently rock on him, and then rub him against her clit, like he was a giant sex toy, not that he minded. She desired other men more, but it felt like she couldn't get enough of him. And Lenny was there to be had.

After awhile though, he realized he was never going to get as good an opportunity to fondle her as with her naked body on top of his. After all, a girl that was balling him was hardly going to slap him if he grabbed her tits or her ass. In fact, he didn't even need to grab, because she wasn't going anywhere as long as her pussy had his dick. So he caressed and teased and squeezed, enjoying her soft curves while he had the chance. 

He didn't want to think about what would be after this, or that at any moment, maybe even before he could come in her, they would be sent back to their bathrooms three stories apart.

"So this is mating," Mork said. Lenny didn't think it was a question, but it would've been a reasonable one.

"Yeah, you see how Lenny's penis fits into my vagina?"

Lenny helpfully thrust in and out to demonstrate.

"Oo, Lenny!" she squealed.

And then they truly focused on each other, as she lay on top of him and they learned to move together. As with the pillow-humping, they clutched backs and butts, but now it was skin against skin, his flesh inside hers. They even got around the height difference and managed to neck a little, but mostly she kissed his chest, when she wasn't moaning beautifully dirty sweet nothings.

"Yes, Baby, fill me up, all the way, Len, yes, yes, so deep!"

Like she was a bottomless glass, but she definitely had a bottom, a firm yet jiggly bottom that one of his hands played with, making her scold, "Naughty boy!", even as she ground down on him even more.

He tried to bear in mind Squiggy's old advice, "Don't give dames exactly what they want, especially in bed. Like if they say go deeper or harder, tease 'em, make 'em beg for your cock." So he'd withdraw and try to give her shallow thrusts, but that wasn't easy with her on top. And Lenny's natural inclination was to give Laverne anything she wanted.

So when Laverne said, "I wanna feel you come in me, Lenny," he sped up and pounded at the pussy he knew he would probably never have again, even though his hard thrusts were bringing their separation even closer.

His eyes unfocused as he came, and he wouldn't have been surprised to be struck blind.

"Sweet Lenny," Laverne yawned contentedly on his chest, like he'd given her a very thorough massage.

He wanted to fall asleep like this, holding her, even though they might be going home at any moment. He'd just shut his eyes and maybe open them to the sight of Jell-O in the bathtub.

....

Mork had hoped that his guests would explain more about the mating while it was in progress, but they were too focused on each other. Perhaps that was how it had to be when friends turned into lovelings. He would have to turn in his report with more questions than answers, but that was hardly a first for him. Mating turned out to be more complicated than it sounded.

He thought the chronioteleportation might reverse itself during or after, but his two guests stayed united on Mindy's bed. He thought of helping the process along, but they seemed so contented.

And then they fell asleep. He didn't want to disturb them. He'd wait until they woke and then, maybe over deli food, the three of them could discuss what to do next.

He got up and crept into the bathroom, reclaiming his detachable genitalia. He didn't want to startle the Earthlings, and he had plans for it up in the attic.


	9. Losing Fluids

As Laverne regained consciousness, she told herself, _This is one sex dream I'm not even going to drop hints about to Shirley._ Then she realized that a man's heart was beating against her ear, and his penis was throbbing against her clitoris. This was very real, at least the sex part, if not the alien abduction and time travel.

He kissed the top of her head and said, "Good morning again, Laverne." It was a voice she'd know anywhere.

"Lenny, where are we?"

She felt as well as heard his chuckle. "Still in Mindy's bedroom."

"Is Mork around?"

"No, alone at last." He fondled her breasts and bumped against her clit.

She was so tempted to voe-dee-oh-doe again, but she used all her willpower to say, "I'm not sure if we're supposed to do it if he's not watching."

She could feel as well as hear his hurt and annoyance on, "So we're just a couple of Labrador rats?"

"No, Len, but...." She sighed impatiently and rolled off him. "I'm still not clear on how this all works, and what if we do it again and we end up on another planet?"

He sighed in frustration. "Fine. Do you wanna go talk to him about all this?"

"Let's shower first and maybe get dressed."

"I have nothing clean to wear!"

"Jeez, Len, Mindy must have a robe or something."

"Fine!" Lenny got out of bed and turned to glare at her. "I'll go take my cold shower."

"It doesn't have to be cold," she said, putting her feet over the side of the bed.

"You can't keep blue-balling me around, Laverne!"

She shook her head and stood up. "We can make out in the shower you know."

His eyes and mouth widened. "We can?"

She took his hand and smiled. "All we promised Mork is he can watch us mate. The makeouts belong to us."

He grinned shyly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She tilted her head up and kissed his cheek.

"But I'm still gonna be hard and frustrated."

"I'll take care of you," she said, taking his hand and leading him into the bathroom.

She made the shower nice and warm before they stepped in. As they waited, they ogled each other, because it was different being naked standing up rather than naked lying down, especially when they weren't touching. Lenny was one of her types, not the muscular hunky type but the lanky type that made her tender and caring, despite herself. And he wasn't muscle-less of course. It just wasn't as noticeable as his height and his thinness. His penis was long and thin, too, and so eager to serve her that she felt almost protective of it. She wanted to tuck it inside her and keep it warm and safe.

"You're so pretty, Laverne!" he whispered, although of course no one could hear them over the running water.

"Thank you. You're kinda cute, too."

"Thanks."

When they went into the stall, she took the bar of soap, Caress (a brand she didn't recognize, from this brave new world), and lathered up. She caressed Lenny from his blissful face downward. She deliberately skipped over his crotch for now.

"Laverne!" he cried out in frustration.

"Oh, you wanna wash me for awhile?" She held the soap out teasingly.

"Yeah," he said, taking the Caress. And then he lowered the bar, from her amused but aroused face downward. He was fondling her more than bathing her, but she'd already showered that morning. And she really liked him touching her, now that she knew what he was capable of. To her surprise, he didn't go right for her boobs or between her legs, but made her feel like every inch of her mattered.

Not that he neglected her boobs or between her legs of course. He just made sure she was tingling all over before he focused on what she sometimes thought of as the bikini areas. She would've credited whatever powers Mork had passed on to Lenny's forefinger, but it was all the fingers, on both hands.

She had to French kiss with him to keep from crying out and being overheard by Mork. This was just for her and Lenny.

And as she leaned into him, feeling him pleasure her yet again, she longed for his length, remembering what he felt like deep inside her. She reminded herself this was just Lenny, but at this moment she desired him more than Tony Curtis.

She reached for his penis, thinking of how she'd always wanted to try shower sex, but not sure how to manage the height difference.

"Yeah, Laverne, wash my dick!" He handed her the soap.

She decided it would be a good idea to clean him before putting him in, although she didn't exactly feel fresh after his hands got fresh with her. Maybe she should just give him a handjob and save sex for Mork's viewing pleasure. After all, it looked like they had until Mindy's return to fool around, and there were other positions to demonstrate.

"Yes, Laverne, it feels so good when you touch me!" He was just loud enough to be heard over the water.

She rinsed him off and then turned off the water.

"Oh, are you done already?"

"Done with washing you, yes. Done with taking care of you, no."

Lenny looked puzzled and then she couldn't see his face because she'd dropped to her knees, careful not to slip on the floor of the wet stall.

"Oh God, Laverne, are you gonna...?"

She looked up at his eager face and put a shushing finger to her lips. Then, glad she'd also rinsed it off, she traced her lips with the finger and then her tongue darted out and gave the tip a quick lick.  


Lenny groaned as quietly as he could. Laverne smiled and grasped his dick.

She'd gone down on more guys than she'd screwed. It was still single digits. She wasn't a complete bimbo. But, maybe because it was less connected to her own pleasure and totally disconnected from pregnancy, she never felt she had to be in love with a guy to give him a blowjob. She just had to think the guy was real sexy and want him to think she was real sexy.

Fonzie was the first of course, over four and a half years ago, the night of the double date with Richie and Shirley. Her best friend told her later that Fonzie's best friend was a perfect gentleman, grateful for goodnight kisses. Laverne and Fonzie had been out a few times, and he was real sexy, and, well, after making out awhile, he asked her to go down on him. He understood that she was trying to stay a virgin, but he said this didn't count. And he explained everything to her as she went along. He didn't offer to reciprocate, and she would've said no to that anyway. He was very appreciative after, and he did take her home on his motorcycle after she realized that Shirley had ditched her with the car they'd borrowed from Terry.

With Lenny, well, she'd never consciously thought of him as sexy before today, this day in the distant future. He was cute and occasionally surprisingly good-looking, even handsome. But he was Lenny, and how could her goofy childhood friend be sexy?

However, a man who had given her so many orgasms in one morning, assuming this was still morning, was by definition sexy. And he was very good-looking naked, and she sort of had a crush on his penis now. So she wanted to kiss it and make it happy again. And there was no reason Mork had to know about this, because this didn't count.

She kissed the tip and Lenny's whole body trembled. She half expected him to come all over her face before she could even lick him, let alone suck him.

He stroked her hair and said, "Lovely Laverne."

He was so corny, but she didn't mind. She rubbed his cock against her face and then started licking it sideways, before putting the tip against her puckered lips and licking it. She stroked the shaft with one hand, as her other hand gently cupped his balls. She took her time until she was ready to suck him in, bit by bit, but no biting. Well, a few teasing nibbles, like he liked to give her nipples. He was too long to fit all the way in but she'd learned how to use her fingers and palm to stimulate what her tongue couldn't reach.

He did genuinely try to be quiet at first, but clearly having his old crush pleasure his dick was too much for him, and he got louder the more she did. She decided that it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, in any world, if Mork overheard Lenny. After all, it wasn't like they had an exclusive commitment to Mork. They had a right to be independent, and it wasn't like this would affect their journey home. So she didn't try to silence his grunts and gasps, his groans and moans, or even such utterances as "Yes, My Darling! You sweet girl, sucking my cock!" As with Fonzie in '57, his verbalizing was a badge of honor for Laverne, although then it had been things like, "Whoa, for a first-timer, you're damn good!" and "Yeah, drink my salty cum, DeFazio!"

After awhile, she slid the hard length out long enough to say, not especially quietly, "I wanna taste you, Len, like you tasted me. Come in my mouth, Baby!"

So he did, thrusting deep until she almost choked, although she had learned to control her gag reflex after a few years. At the same time, he held her face tenderly, like he was going to softly kiss her. She kissed his penis as he spurted into her mouth, and then she swallowed the semen that couldn't get her pregnant, at least not in the '80s. And he was very verbal throughout.

He helped her to her feet afterwards, and then he gently held her face as he gave her a soft kiss. She deepened it so that they could taste themselves on each other's tongue, although the taste of her box had faded while they slept. She was tempted to ask him to go down on her in the shower, but she didn't want to risk it considering how accident-prone he could be. So she turned on the water and tenderly washed and rinsed off his exhausted penis. Then she carefully bathed her tired but not sore own privates.

He turned off the water after she was done and said, "We should probably go talk to Mork." He looked sheepish but proud.

She nodded and grabbed them a couple towels from the rack. They dried themselves rather than each other off, and then wrapped themselves in the towels.

They were just about to step through the door when they heard a man yell, "Mork, if you're gonna watch porno this weekend, either turn down the volume or invite me in."


	10. Losing The Way

Lenny looked at Laverne in panic. He didn't know who the stranger was, although Mork, wherever he was, must know. "What do we do?" he whispered.

Laverne whispered back, "It's not like he's gonna go in Mindy's room. We can hide out in there until he leaves."

He nodded and took her hand. She squeezed his hand and led him through the doorway.

Mindy's bedroom was not on the other side. Instead, they seemed to be in a very long hallway, maybe of a hotel or an apartment building. The doors were numbered, with the one across the way labeled "1981."

"Where are we?" Laverne breathed.

"The nineteenth floor?" he guessed.

She looked around, including at the door they'd just stepped through, which said "1980." "Len, I think it's like a corridor of years."

"Wow, it's like _The Twilight Zone_ or something!"

"Uh, yeah."

"How did we get here?"

"Maybe Mork sent us. Or maybe the croney-thing finally kicked in but couldn't get us all the way to the 1962 door."

"Or maybe it was the hummer. I mean, that was Earth-shattering!" Not literally, he hoped.

"Thank you." She glanced back in the doorway they'd just emerged from.

"What do you see?"

"Names of months. July is the closest."

He nodded. "Should we go back in?"

"Nah, let's not risk it. We just need to go along the hallway until we find '62."

"Laverne, do you realize we could go to any time, past or future?"

"I've had enough time travel for one day. I just wanna go home."

He supposed she was right, and he wouldn't want to screw up time any more than they might've already by finding out the few things they'd learned from Mork and television.

They looked around again and he noticed that "1978" was to the left of the "1980" door, "1982" to the right. The odd numbers were all on the other side of the hall.

"It's this way," she said, leading him to the left.

As he followed, he couldn't help saying, "This is sort of Biblical, isn't it?"

"What, wandering forty years in the desert?"

"No, we're like Adam and Eve, cast out of Paradise after eating the forbidden fruit."

She laughed a lot, although he wasn't at all trying to be funny. "Boulder looked pretty but I doubt it's Paradise. And those weren't exactly apples we were eating."

He blushed but said, "Well, you're beautiful enough to be Eve."

"Thanks, Adam, but what does that make Mork? God or the snake?"

"I think Orson would be God. Mork is just, he's more like the rainbow that Noah saw."

She shook her head. "You're getting your Bible stories mixed up. Look, we're back in the '60s." She pointed at "1968."

"You wanna take a peek, see what the later '60s are like?"

"You just wanna see the miniskirts, but you're gonna have to wait like everybody else."

He blushed again but said, "All that stuff that Mork told us, we're gonna know about it before it happens."

"Yeah, too bad he didn't tell us anything useful, like who wins the '62 World Series."

"God, Squiggy would kill me if I knew that and didn't tell him!"

"You know you can't say a word to anyone."

He sighed. "I know." He wanted to say something about how tough it would be knowing how good in bed she was and acting like they'd never done anything but kiss. But he really didn't want to hear her reject him in this timeless yet timeful time. He let her lead him past "1968," "1966," and "1964."

She stopped in front of "1962" and said, "We should probably leave the towels here, so we don't have to explain them to Shirley and Squiggy."

"Yeah, and hopefully a bellhop can return them to Mork later."

She shook her head, let go of his hand, and unwrapped her towel. She was so gorgeous, so heart-breakingly gorgeous, and she didn't really know it, despite her ability to cover up her insecurities with a gutsy, take-no-crap-from-anyone surface. He wished he could make love to her one last time in the time corridor, but he knew she was impatient to go home. So he took her towel and unwrapped the one from around his waist, then he hung them on the doorknob of "1963." When he turned back around, he thought she might've been ogling his naked butt, but he didn't feel like teasing her about it. He did joke, "So much for the fig-leafs."

"Yeah, um, thank you for the, um, well, I guess this wasn't exactly a date."

"I don't know what this was," he admitted.

She snorted. "Yeah."

"Can I kiss you goodnight? Or good morning, or whatever?"

"We still have to go back to June, and then whatever day that was."

"Tuesday the 25th."

"Yeah, and then maybe there are doors for each hour."

He nodded. "And then maybe we have to choose North America, the United States, Wisconsin, Milwaukee...."

"Seven thirty Knapp Street."

"Right."

"You can kiss me at the last door."

He nodded and didn't ask for more. He didn't want to be greedy.

She put her hand on the doorknob and he tried not to think of it on his own knob. She tried to turn the handle and then whispered in horror, "Lenny, I think we're locked out!"

....

Mork was making written notes for his report when he heard the shower running. His reports tended to be oral and freeform, but this time he wanted to try to organize his tangled thoughts.

He had reattached his genitalia in the attic, after first stripping naked, thinking of his naked houseguests, asleep in Mindy's bed. This detachable organ generally resembled Lenny's penis when hard, although as he played with it, he thought it might be shorter but thicker. He also thought it might fit into Mindy's vagina, if he should ever be so lucky.

Afterwards, he cleaned up, got dressed again, and got his stylus and wordpad. He had just written, "one of several positions," when he heard the shower going. At least one of his guests was awake and wanted to wash off the sticky aftermath of mating. Just in case it was Laverne, he should probably head down soon and get out the deli food. He'd just find a good stopping point in this section.

Then he got distracted, imagining Laverne in the shower. He of course knew what her body looked like now, so it didn't take much imagination.

Then he thought it might be Lenny and he imagined that, although he was less attracted to men.

After awhile, he thought he heard the murmur of more than one voice mixed in with the running water.

He found himself straining to hear and then realized he could probably eavesdrop more easily from the living room, or even better, Mindy's bedroom. No, no, that would taking it too far. Yes, they'd given him permission to watch them mate, but that didn't mean they didn't deserve some privacy. Still, there was no harm in going down.

He was on the pull-down stairs when the water turned off. Whoever was showering had finished. He headed towards the kitchen instead of the living room, or Mindy's tempting bedroom.

As he took out the pastrami on rye and meatball sliders, he definitely heard two voices coming from the direction of the bathroom, although he still couldn't distinguish any words. And then as he set the table, he very clearly heard, "Yes, My Darling! You sweet girl, sucking my cock!" 

These Earthlings inspired as many mixed emotions as Mindy did, although not the exact same mixture. He sorted through jealousy, resentment, betrayal, desire, pride, and amusement. Even if Lenny wasn't the man Laverne most desired, she had quickly adapted to the situation Mork had placed her in, and now she was going above and beyond.

He listened from the dining area, since Lenny was loud enough. When the shower started up again, he went to get beverages, sure that his guests would be dehydrated. He decided on beer, in honor of them working in a brewery, and lemonade, because, from his observations, that was a very Fourth of July drink. He promised himself he'd find clothes for Lenny to wear to see the fireworks that night. Neither Wisconsinite seemed in a hurry to go home, and he still wasn't sure if they could. But they could all talk about that over lunch.

The water turned off again and Mork wondered if they were actually done, or if this was a multi-step process. He was just about to go knock on Mindy's closed door and see if his guests responded, when he heard another voice, Mr. Bickley's saying, "Mork, if you're gonna watch porno this weekend, either turn down the volume or invite me in."

Apparently the downstairs neighbor was not away the entire weekend. Mork of course wondered how much Mr. Bickley had overheard, but he assumed the grumpy Earthling had missed the morning's activities. Mork could and probably would find out later, but first things first, he had to time-freeze Mr. Bickley through the front door. Then the question arose about what to do about his houseguests. It wasn't necessary to time-freeze them, and they probably would have enough sense to just hide in Mindy's room. Still, maybe it was time to send them back to their own time. He pointed both pointers in the direction of the bathroom and concentrated on returning them to their own bathrooms. He would miss them and he wished he'd had a chance to say goodbye, but he supposed he could visit early '60s Milwaukee again sometime. He'd like to meet Squiggy and Shirley, after hearing about them, and Lenny and Laverne could just introduce him as a friend of Fonzie and Richie's.

It occurred to him that the reverse chronioteleportation still might not have worked, so he decided to check. He opened Mindy's door but just saw the messy bed. Then he knocked on the closed bathroom door. "Hello, are you decent?" He waited but there was just silence. "Pardon my intrusion." He covered one eye and opened that door. The bathroom was empty and the towels were missing from the rack.

Something else he'd have to replace, besides the ripped nylons. Well, a small price to pay for the noble calling of interplanetary anthropological research.

He went back in the bedroom and used his dominant finger to tidy up Mindy's bed, so he wouldn't have to worry about that at least when she came home on Sunday. Then he picked up and cleaned the pleasure-fluids off Laverne's blue panties and Lenny's pajama bottoms. He'd have to return their clothes to them sometime, but hopefully they could manage without these articles that morning.

He remembered that Laverne had shed her slip in the living room, so he went to get that as well. He'd hide these things in his room until he could return to Milwaukee again.

He saw the pictures he'd taken and realized that Laverne hadn't left with the one she wanted. It wasn't like she'd had pockets. He hesitated and then decided he would go ahead and make his visit now, at least to Laverne. (And maybe she could get Lenny's pajamas to him discreetly later.)

It was easier to transport himself than others, especially with all his practice. He knew her address, since it had come up over breakfast, so he aimed for the basement bathroom at 730 Knapp Street, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Tuesday, June 25, 1962.

This bathroom was unoccupied, too, although he saw a woman's razor in the otherwise empty bathtub.

"Vernie, are you OK?" a woman's voice asked from the other side of the door. "It sounded like you dropped something in the tub."

Much as he wanted to meet Shirley, this was not the time. So he sent himself three flights up to another bathroom, which was much less clean and seemed to have lime Jell-O in the bathtub. No one was in this bathroom either.

"Has it set yet, Len, or can I still add the zucchinis?"

He wasn't ready to meet Squiggy either. He concentrated and sent himself to "wherever and whenever Laverne is." If Lenny would be there, too, great, but this time Mork would focus on Laverne.


	11. Losing Time

"What do you mean it's locked?"

She crossed her arms over her bare chest, in annoyance rather modesty. "You wanna try it?"

He nodded, so she stepped aside. He first rattled the door and then tried to crack it open with his bare shoulder. "You don't happen to have a bobby pin, do you?"

"No, Len, I don't have a bobby pin."

"Too bad. I would've brought my pocket tool kit if I'd known."

She remembered him whipping it out at La Fondue, on the advice of his Shop teacher. "Well, next time we'll have to be better prepared."

"Next time?"

"I'm joking, Len."

"Oh."

"How's your shoulder?"

He rubbed it a little and then winced, although he said, "It's OK."

"Sit down," she said, so he did, on the beige carpet, and she sat next to him and started massaging both shoulders.

"That feels nice."

"Thanks. So what do you think we should do now?"

"Maybe we could find the elevator and go down to the lobby and tell the desk clerk we're locked out of our room."

"Lenny, this isn't a hotel."

"I know, but maybe it works like one."

"OK, but 1962 isn't 'ours.' "

"Then we should knock on the door and ask whoever is in there to let us in."

She shook her head but took one hand off Lenny's shoulders and knocked. "Hello in there. We need to get into the July room."

"June. It was July in 1980."

"Oh, right."

Unsurprisingly, no one answered.

"Hey, I got another idea. Stick your pinky in my ear."

"Huh?"

"I'm gonna call Mork."

She thought this was a waste of time, but they did have plenty of time to waste. So she stuck her finger in his ear.

He closed his eyes. "Lenny, calling Mork. Come in, Mork." He opened his eyes and frowned in disappointment at the sight of the time corridor.

She removed her finger and patted his shoulder that wasn't sore. "It probably only works for Orkans."

"Oh, good, you're both here."

She looked up and saw Mork in his Boulder outfit. He was holding what looked like her slip and Lenny's pajamas. She leapt to her feet. "Where are we?"

"It looks like 1962. Why haven't you gone in?"

"We can't get in," Lenny said morosely from where he was still slumped against the wall.

"Shazbot!" Mork muttered.

Laverne had expected Lenny to ask if Mork had a skeleton key, Mork to find a solution or at least ask Orson for one. It was starting to sink in what Lenny had grasped intuitively, Lenny hadn't summoned Mork, and the alien had come looking for them.

"Here," Mork said absently, handing her the small pile of clothes.

The pajama bottoms were on top and looked freshly laundered. She handed them down to Lenny and he nodded his thanks but still sat there, not putting them on. She unfolded her slip and slipped it on. Her blue panties were there, too, unstained and mocking her with their confident "Tuesday" in cursive. And tucked into her underwear was the photo of Lenny that she'd asked for. She stuck it in her mouth, not caring that it had come from Mork's mouth. Then she wriggled into her nice clean panties.

She became aware of Lenny's eyes on her, as if her dressing was as almost as interesting as her undressing. So she took the photo out of her mouth and looked at it closely. It no longer seemed comical to think of him as sultry, although she still thought he was adorable. She kissed his picture, just a quick little peck, and then lifted the front of her slip and stuck the photo down the front of her panties, since she didn't have pockets. She was unclear how inanimate objects worked with time travel, why her slip and panties went with her while her razor stayed behind.

Lenny scrambled to his feet and put his pajamas on. He looked a lot more cheerful. "Can I kiss you now, since we don't know when or how we're getting home?"

She nodded. There was no point in putting off a goodnight kiss. She tilted her head up and puckered up with her eyes closed. She felt him gently cup her face in both hands and softly, sweetly kiss her lips.

Meanwhile, Mork was singing and pacing and presumably thinking. He wasn't frantic now and he wasn't performing for them, so she only caught snatches of the murmured lyrics, like "Years go falling in the fading light/ Time passages/ Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight" and "Hear the echoes and feel yourself starting to turn/ Don't know why you should feel that there's something to learn/ It's just a game that you play." Just as the kiss with Lenny ended, Mork said, "OK, I need you to both hold my hands."

She decided that that wouldn't be any stranger than them putting their fingers in his ears, or anything else that had happened that day.

....

Lenny would rather have held Laverne's hand again than Mork's but he knew he couldn't be choosy with time travel. Mork seemed to have no problem moving through time and space and maybe he could take them along, like they'd taken along the clothes they were wearing when they suddenly left Milwaukee. He hoped that his picture would have a nice trip in Laverne's panties, but if not, he'd be happy to pose for her back home.

"Now just click your heels together three times and say, 'There's no place like home,' " Mork said like Glinda the Good Witch.

"Uh, we're not exactly wearing ruby slippers," Laverne pointed out.

"Just joking. OK, hold on tight. We'll go to Laverne's living room since Shirley's in the bedroom and Lenny can sneak out the front door."

"How am I going to explain going from the bathroom to the living room without her noticing?"

"I can time-freeze Shirley if necessary."

"Can you come upstairs with me and time-freeze Squiggy, too? And any neighbors I might run into?"

"Sure."

Lenny nodded and squeezed Mork's hand, a sign that he was ready to go. He closed his eyes but opened them when he realized that Mork's hand was gone. All of Mork was gone, although at least Laverne had stayed with him.

"So much for that plan," Laverne grumbled.

Then Mork returned and said, "Well, it's probably as well you couldn't go with me, since I ended up in the men's room at the Pizza Bowl."

"How did you know it was the Pizza Bowl?" Lenny asked.

"Laverne's father yelled at me when I went to the dining area, because the place doesn't open until later."

Laverne shook her head, looking annoyed but amused, and probably missing her father more than ever.

"Anyway, I think you're just going to have to go back to 1961 instead."

"Why '61?" Laverne asked.

"Well, it's your past but not too far back, so you can pass as your younger selves."

"Assuming our younger selves aren't around."

"Well, I'll time-freeze them if I have to."

Lenny shook his head. He didn't know enough about science or science fiction to follow this.

"So we'd have to pretend not to know what we know about '61 and '62?" Laverne said, and he was sure she was thinking about how she could maybe save Randy's life. As for Lenny, it was going to be very tempting to bet on the Yankees in the '61 World Series.

"Yes, please try not to disturb things more than necessary."

She shook her head. "Great, I'm going to have to pretend to be a virgin with Moose Crenshaw."

"You're still gonna do it with him, even though you weren't really in love with him?"

"I did it with you and I'm not...." She turned away and went across the hall.

He tried not to let that hurt too much. It wasn't like she'd pretended to love him in that way.

She rattled the doorknob of "1961" and then faced them again. "This is locked, too."

Mork came over and tried the door, but he was also barred from that year, at least from the corridor. Lenny wasn't even going to bother, because what was the point of anything anymore?

Mork stepped to what was his left and took the towels off the doorknob of "1963." "Oh, good, now I don't have to replace these before Mindy gets home." He threw them both over his shoulders, like he'd had a serious workout at the gym.

"I'm sorry about her nylons," Lenny mumbled.

"It's my fault, all my fault," Mork muttered, as he rattled the knob. "Shazbot."

"Wait, Mork, how can me and Lenny go into the future? I mean, if any of the doors open."

"I think it would mess things up more to go too far back. And if need be, I can probably take you to 1980 Boulder again, so I won't try any doors beyond 1979."

"What do you mean mess things up more?"

"All that knowledge you have of what you've already lived through versus getting to start fresh. And let's say you go ten years in either direction. Two twenty-four-year-olds can pass for thirty-four more easily than they can for fourteen."

Lenny knew what 1952 was like, awkward adolescence that wouldn't be any less awkward for having the experience and body of a grown man. Nineteen seventy-two would be a brand new world, but maybe not quite as strange as 1980.

"You think we're gonna have to go that far in the future?" Laverne asked.

"I hope not. Let me try 1964." He returned to Lenny's side of the hall and touched the doorframe to the right. "Hm, this one has a little give to it. That's a good sign."

"So we can get in?" Lenny asked.

"No, but I think we're getting closer." Mork crossed the hall again and went two doors down from where Laverne was still standing. He blew on his hands and pointed his magic finger. The "1965" door swung open!

Laverne squealed and went over to give Mork a big hug. "Thank you!"

"Well, wait a moment," Mork said, pulling away. "We still don't know if you can get through all the doors beyond this."

"We can at least try. Come on, Len, we're going home!"

He shook his head. "Sixty-five isn't home."

"No, but it's better than '80."

He sighed, nodded, and went over to the open door. Laverne eagerly went first, then Mork, and Lenny reluctantly last. He had such mixed feelings, and he didn't think skipping over three years was nothing. Still, if this worked, it would be better than trying to live out his life, or at least the next few weeks, in Boulder in the distant future.

To his surprise, there weren't doors with months on them but doors with continents on them. He was looking at "Antarctica" and hoped that that wouldn't turn out to be the only door that worked in this set.

"Where are the months, like in 1980?" Laverne asked.

"Oh, it's different when you're going in rather than coming out," Mork said, and Lenny again felt out of his depth. "Let's see, there's 'North America.' "

Laverne raced over and turned the knob, which gave easily. She opened the door to still another corridor.

Lenny followed her and Mork in. This time there were a lot more than seven doors, but they seemed to be arranged North to South, starting with "Canada." "The United States" was right next door, and Laverne eagerly turned that knob.

The next hallway had presumably fifty doors, unless new states had been added in their three-year absence. The corridor was very long, although of course not as long as the years corridor, and the doors were all on one side, alphabetically, so "Alabama" was first. Lenny followed Laverne and Mork all the way past "Arkansas," but he paused in front of "California."

"Hurry up, Len. 'Wisconsin' is practically at the end."

"I was just thinking, wouldn't it be fun to go to California? We could go to the beach and Disneyland and maybe meet some movie stars."

"Lenny, this isn't a vacation and what if we ended up stuck there? It'd be harder to get back from California than Colorado. Not to mention we still don't have any money on us."

He sighed and caught up with her at "Colorado." Then he said, "Hey, Mork, what if we can prevent Mindy's mom's death?"

Mork shook his head. "Don't you think I would if I could? But that's one of the first rules of time travel, you can't prevent or cause a death."

Lenny could see that Laverne was thinking of Randy again. He promised himself he would give her a good goodbye hug when they had to separate.

The three of them continued down the states corridor, not pausing again until Laverne lightly stroked "New York."

"Her grandmother and a bunch of relatives live in Brooklyn," Lenny quietly told Mork.

"Do you want me to check on her?" Mork offered. "It would just take a moment of your time here."

"Please," Laverne said nodding.

"Back in two shakes of a ooraxnaz's tail," Mork said and disappeared.

"Thanks, Len," she said softly.

"Of course."

He wanted to say more, but Mork returned. The towels were gone but the alien was now holding a pair of scissors and a hand mirror.

Laverne didn't seem to notice as she eagerly asked, "Did you see her?"

"Yes, I went when she was asleep. She seems fine."

Laverne let out a sigh of relief, but Lenny asked, "What are those for?", meaning the scissors and mirror.

"While I was returning the towels, it occurred to me that Laverne is going to need a hairstyle that will help her blend in for the mid 1960s."

Lenny frowned. "What about my hair?"

"It looks like Squiggy is still trying to wear his hair like Fonzie, so I think you can, too."

Lenny wondered how many side trips Mork made in the minute away, but he got distracted by the Orkan starting to act like a flamboyant hairdresser.

....

As Mork watched the old Italian woman sleep, the immensity of this hit him. It wasn't just Mindy's pantyhose that got ripped but somehow the entire time-space continuum. As he looked at the wall covered with photographs of Mrs. DeFazio's relatives, including what he recognized as Laverne and her father, he thought of how interconnected human lives were. His houseguests had disappeared for three years, possibly longer if 1965 ended up having a dead end. (He was trying to remember everything he'd learned in Chronioteleportation 101, but it had been a centibleem since he was kicked out of Ork U. for flunking Intro to Emotional Suppression, and details had faded.) How was he going to explain their absence to everyone they knew?

It looked like he was going to have to visit early 1960s Milwaukee again.


	12. Losing Friends

Carmine Ragusa stumbled to the phone, woken by its ringing. His friends knew his day did not begin as early as theirs, so if someone was calling now, it had better be important. "Hello?" he yawned.

His girlfriend hysterically cried, "Laverne has runned away!"

"She's what?"

"She's runned away! Oh, Carmine, this is a horrible mistake!"

Carmine heard the basement front door slam open and Squiggy accuse, "Hello! Woman, this is all your fault!"

"My fault? I would never tell Laverne to elope with Lenny to Alaska!"

"What???" Carmine exclaimed, wondering if he was dreaming, but Shirley didn't seem to hear him because of Squiggy.

"You with your talk of marrying Mr. Right, and now she's absconced to the Yukron with my Lenny!"

Carmine hung up on Shirley insulting Squiggy's intelligence, including his geographical knowledge. Carmine quickly pulled jeans on over the briefs he'd slept in but didn't bother to put anything over his undershirt. He grabbed his keys and headed out. By the time he got to the basement, Shirley was trying to strangle Squiggy with the telephone cord.

....

Fifteen minutes earlier, Shirley woke to the sound of something falling into the tub. She had half woken earlier, when Laverne had called first dibs on the bathroom. She must've drifted off again, even though it was a Tuesday morning and she had to get ready for work, too.

There was no reply to "Vernie, are you OK? It sounded like you dropped something in the tub," so she got out of bed and knocked on the bathroom door. There was still no answer, but the door was unlocked, so she went in. The room was empty, although she did see Laverne's razor in the tub.

Now starting to worry, she went out to the living room. Her best friend wasn't there or in the kitchen. However, there was a folded note attached to Boo Boo Kitty.

"My poor baby," Shirley said, stroking the soft black head of her beloved toy, "she's used you as a pincushion again!" She carefully unpinned and unfolded the note.

_"Dear Shirley,_

_I can't fight it any longer. I'm in love with Lenny. I'm eloping with him to Alaska. Please be happy for me and don't try to stop me._  
  
_Take care,_  
_Laverne_  


_P.S. Please explain at work and to my pop._

Shirley was astonished, hurt, and betrayed by Laverne keeping a secret like this, but she also resented her supposed best friend making her clean up the mess. It would be bad enough explaining to their supervisor why Laverne had quit so suddenly, but what was Shirley supposed to tell Mr. DeFazio? Shirley didn't even like covering for Laverne when her roommate was out on a late date and her father called.

There was a very strong chance that Mr. DeFazio would kill or at least beat up Lenny, and he'd probably hit Laverne for the first time in years. His temper was more manageable since he got involved with Edna, but this might push him over the edge. And nonviolent though she was, Shirley wouldn't entirely blame him.

She really wished she could ask Mrs. Babish for advice, but unfortunately the landlady was now Mrs. DeFazio, and there was small chance of talking to her without Mr. DeFazio getting suspicious.

Not that this secret could be kept for long, but Shirley did need advice on how to break the news. She decided to put on her robe and then call Carmine, who would of course rush straight down to help.

But when she returned to the bedroom, she got distracted wondering whether Laverne had packed any warm clothes. It got very cold in Wisconsin in the wintertime, although now of course it was June and sometimes terribly hot. Would Laverne be able to handle the Alaskan weather? Angry and upset though Shirley was, she did worry about her friend.

The strange thing was that not only hadn't Laverne packed any clothes, her suitcase was sitting empty in the closet. It was possible that Laverne had departed with a whole new wardrobe that Lenny had perhaps hidden for her, but where would she have gotten the money?

For that matter, how were Lenny and Laverne getting to Alaska? And why Alaska? It was all so strange, even setting aside Laverne's secret love for Lenny.

Was it possible Laverne hadn't written the note? After all, it didn't really sound like her, although it was her handwriting. Maybe she'd written it under duress. But who could've threatened her? Had she been kidnapped? No, then there would've been a ransom note. Maybe this note was in code and Shirley just had to crack it.

Or maybe Laverne was so gaga over Lenny, she couldn't think straight, which was the most frightening scenario of all.

Forgetting about her robe, Shirley ran to the phone, giving in to panic, needing Carmine to comfort her. Then Squiggy stormed in as only he could storm. He had a roommate's note of his own, which made the elopement feel more real, if no less peculiar. He blamed her, when this was the last thing she wanted. He of course blamed Laverne, as if Lenny were an innocent victim of "that shameless trumpet's feminized meanwhiles," rather than this probably being all of Lenny's dreams come true.

That wasn't why she tried to strangle Squiggy with the telephone cord. What actually set her off were his lewd puns about Mounties and Laverne getting her man, as if he genuinely couldn't distinguish between Alaska and Canada. Squiggy was as always the biggest challenge to her nonviolence.

Then Carmine came in and she dropped the cord, running into those big, strong arms, feeling his warm, loyal heart beat beneath his undershirt. By the time she belatedly realized she'd been arguing with Squiggy in just her nightie, Squiggy had snuck out.

....

Squiggy thought there was no shame in drinking alone, although you wouldn't want anyone to catch you at it. And after all, New Year's Eve didn't come every day. He wasn't exactly celebrating but he would be glad to see the back of 1965.

It had been three and a half years since Lenny had abandoned him, and not a word spoken or written since _"Dear Squiggy, I'm eloping with Laverne to Alaska! Thanks for everything, Lenny."_ Since there was no mention of an address or even a town, it wasn't like Squiggy could contact him. Not that Squiggy wanted to anymore. 

"I'm better off alone," he said aloud and then took another swig of Shotz, because he remained a loyal employee.

When he set down the bottle on the table, he noticed a man with brown hair as long as a British rock & roll star, wearing a striped shirt, rainbow suspenders, and blue jeans. "Who are you and what the hell are you doing in my apartment?"

"Mork from Ork, Nanu Nanu." He held up one hand in what looked like a secret college fraternity sign.

"Oh, a frat boy. What are you doing here instead of at a frat party, getting drunk and canoeing with a coed in a miniskirt?"

"I don't have the legs for it."

"Listen, Weirdo, you still haven't told me what you're doing here. And if you don't tell me now, I'm gonna call the cops."

"I wanted to see how you're doing without Lenny."

"You know Lenny?"

"Yes, we met recently and he said you're his best friend."

Squiggy scowled. "He ain't my friend no more, not even my worst friend. Friends don't run off like that." He took another swig.

Mork asked quietly, "But isn't it better that he left a note?"

Squiggy slammed the bottle down on the table so hard it almost broke. "No, it ain't better! I'd rather think that he'd been kidnapped and maybe brutally murdered than that he'd run out on me of his own violation!"

"I'm sorry," Mork mumbled.

"You can tell him that for me, with bells on."

"Kayo. Um, is Shirley still mad about Laverne leaving?"

"Me and Shirley ain't in touch much. She married Carmine soon after the elopement and then they moved to New York so he could try to get onto Broadway."

"Oh, how's that going?"

Squiggy took a little sip before answering, "He does commercials sometimes and she works as a waitress. They've got two babies."

"Oh. And what about Laverne's father, how did he take it?"

"He don't talk about it. His wife, well, ex-wife now, thought he should hire a detective, but he figures if Laverne was gonna shut him out like that, he don't want her in his life anyway."

"I see."

Squiggy shook his head. "You know what's funny?"

"What?"

"Mr. DeFazio and Shirley and a bunch of people never thought Lenny was good enough for Laverne, but I thought they were perfect for each other. I could've run off with them and been best man, even if I had to dress like a Eskimo. But he didn't trust me to let me in on his big secret."

"I'm sorry," Mork said again, this time adding, "I hope 1965 is a better year for you."

"Dummy, next year is '66."

Mork didn't reply because he'd disappeared like he was Glinda in _The Wizard of Oz_. Squiggy remarked to his moths, both dead and living, "My! People come and go so quickly here!," and finished off the bottle.


	13. Losing the Thread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically, Knapp Street is just south of the Lower East Side, but for the purposes of this story, I've moved it into that neighborhood.

"What do you think?" Mork asked as he held up the mirror so she could see her new apparently 1965 hairstyle.

"I don't see much difference, except it's fluffier without hairspray."

"I like it."

"Thanks, Len." He wasn't exactly an expert on grooming, but he was sweet. "Well, Mork, can we go try Wisconsin now?"

"Yeah," Lenny said, "and if that doesn't work, maybe we can get into Illinois or Michigan or some other state nearby and have Squiggy pick us up."

She didn't relish the idea of explaining to Squiggy why they were half naked in Minnesota or wherever, but that might be the least of their problems. "Hey, what happens if all fifty doors are locked to us?" she worried. "Would we have to try Canada or some country further from Wisconsin?"

"I talked to Orson about that after I went to New York. He said if you can get through a door, that means it's not a dead end. So since you got into the US, you can get into at least one of the states."

She thought he must've crammed a lot into what felt like a minute to her outside the New York door, but it was more important that they were at least going to stay in the US. And if they couldn't get back into their apartments, maybe Mork could bring them some clothes that they could wear in public.

She cracked, "Let's hope it's not Alaska or Hawaii."

Lenny laughed but Mork didn't. He silently led them towards the end of the alphabet.

She got into "Wisconsin" on the first try. That was a relief, because they could get home from anywhere in the state, even if they had to hitchhike. Well, OK, Douglas County was about five and a half hours away, but that was much better than Boulder, Colorado.

She thought she heard Lenny murmur, "Narrowly avoiding violating the Mann Act," but she didn't want to know.

These doors were labeled alphabetically with the names of counties, a step that she and Lenny hadn't considered, but it made sense. And Milwaukee the city was in Milwaukee County, so she headed for the M's.

She got in easily and breathed a sigh of relief. No place in the county, even Franklin, was more than a twenty minutes' drive from the city, and it might be possible to go home by bus, if Mork could get them the fare.

She again went to the M's and tried the door for the city she'd spent most of her life in. It, too, opened for her.

"Home," Lenny breathed.

"Well, not quite," she said, but yeah, they could even walk all day to their apartment building if they had to, although again, preferably not half naked. They could probably catch a bus though, depending on what time they arrived. Or, yeah, call Squiggy if need be.

Their city was arranged alphabetically by neighborhood. She saw the Brynwood District, where Fonzie and the Cunninghams lived. She wondered how they were all doing. Richie had graduated college right before she left, and he'd probably married Lori Beth by now and maybe had a kid or two. As for Fonzie, he was probably still playing the field, at around thirty. It was easier to think about them than the people she saw almost every day.

Their neighborhood was southeast of Brynwood, as the name implied, the Lower East Side. When she'd moved there as a little girl, she'd found that name comforting.

She headed for the L's, and, yes, she got into the Lower East Side. They could definitely walk home within the neighborhood, twenty blocks max.

"Thanks, Laverne," Lenny said.

She nodded and then she looked around to see street names, alphabetical of course. So she went straight to the K's. But the "Knapp Street" door didn't open for her.

"Mork?" She didn't understand. Every door had worked for her once she got into 1965.

"Don't panic," he said. "You're in your neighborhood at least, right?"

She nodded, although she had hoped to get home in another two or three steps.

"Can I try?" Lenny asked. Both Laverne and Mork nodded, she stepping out of the way. Lenny blew on his hands and put one on the doorknob, which turned easily for him. "Maybe you can only do a few doors in a row."

She shrugged and went to follow him in but it was like there was an invisible barrier in the doorway. "Mork!"

The alien slipped into the next corridor easily and then reached out his hand but she couldn't grasp it. "What's going on?" she demanded.

"Lenny can get through but you can't."

"Why? Has Shirley moved away and I don't live there anymore either?"

"I'm not sure," Mork said, returning to the "Milwaukee neighborhoods" hallway.

"Well, I'm not going home if Laverne can't," Lenny said stubbornly and loyally, as he came back to her side.

"Thanks, Len," she said, giving him a quick hug.

"Let me try something," Mork said and then spun around with both forefingers pointing. Then the room itself spun into a blur, until it stopped, with months instead of neighborhoods on the doors.

"Kayo," Mork said, "I need to tell you a few things about 1965 before we go any further."

....

Lenny slumped to the gray-carpeted floor in front of "January," feeling dizzy from the spinning and all this sci-fi stuff. Laverne slid down next to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"This is the March of Time. And the January and February and as far into this as we need to go," Mork said, starting out like an old-time movie-reel announcer and shifting into his more uncertain self. "The main thing you need to know about 1963, and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you about this, but it's better that you hear it here and now, is that on November 22, 1963, in Dallas, Texas, President John F. Kennedy was shot, and he died thirty minutes later."

"No!" Laverne gasped, and Lenny felt like crying. He slipped his arm around her, not to get fresh but for comfort.

"I'm sorry," Mork said quietly, then went back to the announcer voice for "Less than a year later, President Lyndon Baines Johnson was elected in his own right, defeating Senator Barry Goldwater in a landslide. But 1964 is perhaps even better known to the pages of history for the British Invasion."

"We're at war with Britland?" Lenny said, hoping he wouldn't be called up for active duty since he'd been in the Reserves. For that matter, so had Laverne.

"Actually, it's Great Britain and it's not that kind of invasion. The U.S. is at war with North Vietnam, but the fighting is just over there, over there!" Mork sang the last part. "But that doesn't officially start, to the extent it ever officially starts, until August 1964. About six months earlier, a very popular English rock & roll band, known as the Beatles, with an A, arrived in America and charmed nearly everyone. And other groups would follow. Oh, and surf music is bigger in '65 than it was in '62."

"Serf? Like peasants from the Middle Ages?" Lenny asked, trying to absorb all these crazy details.

"No, 'surf' with a U, since it's about surfing, mostly in California."

"Oh, like Gidget and Moondoggie in the movies _Gidget_ and _Gidget Goes Hawaiian_ ," Laverne said.

"Yes, and depending on when you get into '65, it will soon be a TV show starring Sally Field, later the flying nun."

"Is there gonna be a test on this?" Lenny asked nervously.

"Don't worry if you can't digest everything, just take in what you can." Mork inhaled and exhaled. "So, as far as what's happening with the people you know, Squiggy and Shirley are still working at Shotz Brewery. Carmine still has a dance studio. They're all still single and living on Knapp Street. However, Laverne's father and stepmother will at some point this year, well, let's wait and see what month you get into."

Laverne pulled away from Lenny and leapt to her feet. "Mork!"

"Sorry, this has to be on a need-to-know basis."

"Are they at least still married?"

"Um, yes."

Lenny didn't like the uncertainty of that, but he could sort of understand Mork not telling them everything. He stood up and said, "Let's try January." He turned around and tried to turn the doorknob but it wouldn't budge. Laverne didn't have any better luck. So they want to February, then March, April, and May. "Maybe we'll be lucky with June, since we left in June."

She sighed. "Well, we know we'll at least get into December, since we can't hit a dead end for '65, right?"

"Right," Lenny said, although he still wondered why she couldn't go to Knapp Street, especially if Shirley still lived there.

He turned the "June" knob easily and she gave him another quick hug. "Thanks, Len!"

"Sure," he murmured, glad that they'd missed only half of that year. He saw numbers on the doors for this hallway, again with odds on one side, evens on the other. So he ended up going back and forth across the hall, trying every number, with Laverne and Mork trailing after him. He thought that "25" might be the lucky number, since it would be the exact anniversary of when they left in '62. But "23" opened before he got quite that far.

"Summer again," Laverne murmured.

Mork started singing "Summertime, Summertime" by the Jamies, and since that was from '58, Lenny couldn't help joining in, as did Laverne after first shaking her head.

Then they all looked around the room and saw mostly numbers again, but the first door said "Midnight."

"Oo, maybe it'll be better if we go home at night," Laverne said. "That way Squiggy and Shirley will be less suspicious."

"But you can't get home," Lenny reminded her.

"Maybe I can now. Or I'll walk home if I have to."

"Late at night, by yourself?" he said protectively.

"Mork can go with me."

Mork shot an apologetic look at Lenny before telling Laverne, "If you want."

Lenny faced "Midnight" again, but it didn't open. So he tried "1" and that worked.

"One a.m.?" Laverne asked, and Mork answered, "I think so."

All three of them went in and again found the "streets of the Lower East Side" hallway. Laverne tried "Knapp Street" but it still wouldn't work for her. "Mork?"

"I'll be right back." He disappeared and then reappeared. "Ah, kayo, so, Laverne, I just checked Shirley's diary...."

"She's gonna kill you!" Lenny warned.

"It's fine, she was asleep. And she wrote, on June 22, 1965, that Laverne was out on a date with a new guy, named Ray, and still hadn't come home, but Shirley didn't want to wait up for her."

"You're already dating again?" Lenny said indignantly, even though he and Laverne didn't have any commitment.

"Who the hell is Ray?" Laverne sounded indignant herself, but then she asked, "Is he cute?"

"Shirley didn't say, but you'll find out shortly."

"Wait a minute, I'm not taggin' along on Laverne's late-night date with some random guy like a chaparral!"

"Like I'd want you there!"

"Lenny, can you try 'Lincoln Memorial Drive'?" Mork requested.

"Is that where I am that night?"

"I don't think so, but I want to be sure."

Confused but cooperative, Lenny tried that door but it wouldn't open for him.

"Uh huh. Now Laverne."

She went over and the doorknob turned easily. "Is this where my date is?"

"Yes, Ray should be waiting for you."

"Wait a minute, I'm confused," Lenny whined.

"By what?" Mork asked.

"Well, lots of things, but the big thing is, we were gone for three years. Didn't anybody notice?"

"Ah, well, I did have a Plan A, where you two would leave town for about three years, but Orson pointed out some flaws with that, so the Plan B is that he and a committee are going to plant false memories of you two in everyone you know."

"Uh, how long is that gonna take?" Laverne asked.

"Well, given Orkan bureacracy, about half a bleem, but that won't really affect you here, with tesseracting."

"Uh, OK," Lenny said, lost again.

"Anyway, technically you two have been gone, but it won't seem like that to them."

"Including this guy Ray?" Lenny said, unable to stifle his jealousy.

"Right. He thinks he met Laverne at Meckler's Department Store and she's a 'beverage control engineer.' "

"Nice, Laverne," Lenny said sarcastically.

"Hey, it's not my fault. And it's not technically a lie."

Lenny shook his head.

"Mork, if I've got a date, you've got to get me some clothes. I can't just show up in my slip."

Lenny bit his tongue.

"I'll go back to your apartment and find you something."

"My stuff has L's on it."

"Right."

Mork was gone longer than Lenny would've expected, compared to before, but he didn't really understand how time worked. He also didn't understand how Laverne worked.

"So I guess this is our last door, or at least our last shared hallway," she said. "Aren't you gonna kiss me goodnight?"

"Laverne, you're going out with another man!"

"That's not my fault either."

"You don't have to go through with it. You could say you have a headache and make him take you home."

"Maybe I will. But what I do with other guys has nothing to do with what I did with you today."

"I guess. It's just, well, I don't know. I thought it was special."

"It was, Len, really. But we're gonna have to get our bearings in a time almost three years later, and I just don't want a further complication."

"So that's what I am, a complication?"

"No, Len, you're a real sweet guy and one of my best friends and a heck of a roll in the hay."

"Thanks," he grumbled.

"But I need some more, well, time, OK?"

"OK."

"And besides, for all we know, you're married with two kids by now."

"And still living on Knapp Street?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Then maybe I shouldn't be kissing another woman."

"You're still single until you get back home."

He didn't fully understand that either, but if this was his last chance to kiss Laverne, he'd probably be an idiot to miss it. So he closed his eyes, puckered up, and leaned down. Laverne stroked his face and kissed him softly and sweetly.


	14. Losing Distance

Lenny and Laverne were kissing when Mork returned with her white blouse, red vest, red miniskirt, and black low-heels. Since he had no idea where Ray had taken Laverne earlier in the night, Mork decided to split the difference between bowling and the opera, something cute and a bit dressy but comfortable. Shirley had still been asleep on his third trip to the girls' basement apartment and she would hopefully stay that way at least until Laverne returned home.

Mork had really Shazboted up like he had never Shazboted before. He'd tried to deal with the rip in the time-space continuum by coming up with a cover story to explain Laverne and Lenny's absence. He would pretend they'd left for someplace far away, but not so far that they could never return. He figured Alaska was part of the United States, so they wouldn't need passports, or the ability to speak anything but English. And in the notes he wrote for their roommates, using an optical illusion that would make the handwriting seem correct, he said they were eloping together. It was crazy and romantic and hopefully convincing.

Then he went back to Mindy's bathroom in Boulder to return the towels. He was going to see if he could find a book with mid-1960s women's hairstyles in it, when Orson summoned him.

And the Big Boss was not happy. Well, he was glad about the success of the mating project and asked for details later, but the chronioteleportation complications were worrisome.

"I will have to have the Committee do a massive memory modification, involving everyone your two subjects know."

"They know a lot of people, Orson."

"Yes, I calculate it will take half a bleem."

"I'm sorry, Sir," Mork mumbled.

"I'm not interested in your emotions, Mork, especially when they've led you astray. I suggest you go check on this Anthony Squiggliano person."

"Andrew Squiggman."

"Whatever. See what his life is like at the end of the Earthling's 1965 thanks to your bungling, and then figure out what you can do to fix things at your end."

So Mork had visited Squiggy, as well as taken other steps, including finding this first-date outfit for Laverne. He felt bad for Lenny, but at this point, what could he do?

His two recent guests parted and he handed Laverne her clothes. She put them on and said, "Oo, this is very cute, but are skirts really this short already?"

Mork nodded and tried not to notice Lenny noticing Laverne's knees.

"See you at work tomorrow, Lenny."

"Yeah, see ya."

"Wait here please," Mork told Lenny.

"Where would I go?"

Mork didn't know how to answer that, so he shrugged and followed Laverne through the open door, shutting it behind him.

To his surprise, she asked, "Are my pop and Edna all right?"

"Oh, yes, I didn't want to tell you this in case you ended up going home earlier in the year. They recently sold the Pizza Bowl and moved out west to run a Cowboy Bill's restaurant."

"Wow! So if me and Lenny had gone through the California door, I could've seen them?"

"Maybe. It's all very complicated and not really my area of expertise."

"Oh. So what's the deal with my date? Do I just suddenly show up in his apartment or what?"

"No, you're parking on McKinley Beach off of North Lincoln Memorial Drive. He's just climbed into the backseat. I think we're close enough now that I can just drop you into the front seat."

"Oh. Mork, I'm not gonna...? I mean, it's just the first date and I don't usually go that far on the first date."

"Don't worry, McKinley Beach isn't that far from Knapp Street."

She rolled her eyes. "I mean, not that far physically. Not in miles, but in fooling around."

"Oh! Well, that's up to you, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but I mean, I assume I, or my other self, or the Laverne figment of Ray's imagination, was already necking or something in the front seat, so maybe I've led him on already?"

"Well, if you feel overwhelmed, just think _Mork, I want to go home_."

"That'll work?"

"If not, I'll hide in the bushes at 1:15."

"Uh, OK, but don't stick around if I'm enjoying myself. I mean, watching me with Lenny was one thing, since he knew about it, but I don't want you to keep spying on poor Ray."

"Kayo. Oh, by the way, you probably won't want to stay out too late, because, according to Shirley's diary, there's a big meeting at Shotz Brewery tomorrow, bottle-cappers only, and she thinks you both might be in for a big promotion since you have seniority."

Laverne shook her head but smiled fondly. "Her balloon never lands, does it?"

"Her balloon?"

"Never mind." She looked down at her outfit and then said, "Uh, Mork, what about the Band-Aid? Ray's gonna see that with this short skirt, and you didn't bring me nylons."

"Oh, right." He pointed his pointer at her leg and the cut heeled and the Band-Aid fell off.

"Wow! You're pretty amazing, you know that?"

"Ah, pshaw, feigned modesty, scuffing of foot and casting of eyes down demurely."

"Amazing and real weird."

"Well, yes, I suppose."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for sharing this craziness and, um, can you tell Lenny, um, I'm glad it was him?"

"Kayo."

"I'm ready now, but Ray had better be cute."

"He's pretty cute."

She looked like she didn't really trust his judgment, but she closed her eyes and he sent her to the front seat of the red 1964 Pontiac GTO parked at McKinley Beach in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Then he opened the door and went back to the streets room.

Lenny was standing in front of the open "Knapp Street" door. He turned and asked, "Is she on her date now?"

Mork nodded. "I'm sorry."

Lenny shrugged. "I don't know, Mork, I mean, I date other girls and I keep hoping I'll find one I like more than I like her, but no one comes even close."

"Yeah, I don't really date, but I never meet anyone as special as Mindy."

"Mindy's never told you that she don't got that special feeling for you though, has she?"

"Well, no, but I've never outright told her I love her in that way. You know, Orkans and feelings." He sang a little of the song.

"I wear my heart on my sleeve, which Squiggy says is stupid."

"Maybe that's why Laverne loves you in the way she does."

"Yeah? Do you think she could ever love me like I want her to?"

Mork sighed. "Who knows? With the rips in the time-space continuum, I definitely don't want to predict your future." He almost told Lenny what Laverne had said about being glad it was Lenny, but he didn't want to complicate things more, and it was really something Lenny should hear directly from Laverne.

Lenny exhaled and nodded. Then he went through the doorway, which had all the numbers of the street, but closer together and with no intersections. Mork followed him in and they stopped at 730.

"I'm home," Lenny murmured.

"Yes. And if you end up in the wrong apartment, I think you can just sneak out and go into your own, because your door is unlocked."

"How come you know some of what happened but not everything?"

"I'm not omniscient. Um, all-knowing."

"You're not God?"

"Not even close."

"Yeah, you're not infallowable."

"Definitely not."

Lenny nodded again and opened the door, which led to a little lobby with mailboxes. After Mork followed him in, they both looked back and could see the steps leading up to the building, with no traffic on Knapp Street at that hour.

"I think I can make it upstairs OK."

"Good. And, Lenny, I genuinely am sorry for all this."

"Hey, at least I got to make love to Laverne in the future. And now I'll get to see her and other girls in miniskirts every day." He bit his hand, making Mork laugh. Then Lenny gave him a quick hug and dashed upstairs.

Mork sighed and got ready to spy on Laverne's date, and then he'd go back to July 4, 1980, to clean up the rest of the mess, including Mr. Bickley. Then it occurred to him, he didn't have to return to the moment he left. He could head for an hour, or maybe even a day, earlier.


	15. Gaining

"Would you like a weenie, My Darling?"

"Ew, gross, Dad!"

"Yeah, especially since she's preggo!"

Both eleven-year-olds tossed back their long, straight blonde hair and pretended to vomit, but then they rolled four green eyes and scarfed down some more potato chips.

"Mommy, Mommy, Uncle Squiggy says we won't be able to see the fireworks tonight!"

"Yeah, he says the smog will get in the way."

"Uncle Squiggy has a weird sense of humor. Catch!" The middle-aged mother tossed the frisbee like she was still the best female softball player on Knapp Street, and the six-year-olds chased after it like puppies, their unmanageable dark blond hair falling into their blue eyes.

Two sets of identical twins, one pair conceived in the '60s, the other in the '70s. It was too soon to tell if this '80s pregnancy would be double as well, but sometimes Laverne thought that if she'd done it with Lenny the first time she'd considered it, back in '58, when she thought she might die at the Pizza Bowl, that would've been twins, too.

Mork's transfer of power to Lenny had definitely worn off. She still vividly remembered that day, while there was a blank of three years in her own life, a blank that she shared with Lenny. They hadn't talked about their bold Boulder experiment at first, but it was there in the background of their interactions for the next three years. A year of escalating flirtation, while pursuing and dating other people, followed by a year where they just tried to be close friends, even as they wondered why they couldn't have successful serious relationships, and then that year of drifting apart, including Lenny being out of town sometimes as he half seriously pursued a musical career.

Until one night when they kissed under the stars and the fireworks and he said, "You haven't kissed me like that since twelve years from now." She understood his jumbled time sense, that the future was their past.

They couldn't talk about it there, in the noisy crowd, but they talked about it at her place and then made love in her bed until the sun came up. So when they told people this was their anniversary, it had multiple meanings.

They used to half-joke about dropping in on Mork and maybe their younger selves when July 4, 1980 rolled around again. But they didn't want to further rip the fabric of time, or have to get a sitter for the holiday weekend. They had exchanged secret glances throughout that morning, as they silently wondered what exactly 24-year-old Lenny and Laverne were up to at given moments.

Even as Lenny manned the grill, he still felt odd being the patriarch of a growing family, so it was sort of a relief when his recently retired father-in-law took over, insisting, "I ran restaurants for thirty years. I know how to make a burger."

Lenny did bring his wife a hot dog and tried not to bite his hand as she ate the weiner just slightly erotically. They mostly knew how to behave in front of their children, and Mindy and Melody were easily grossed-out preteens.

The boys were named Hector and Jack, which was the closest Laverne would allow to "Heckle & Jeckle." Lenny and Laverne hadn't decided on a name for the new baby (babies?), and of course the kids had very strong opinions on the topic.

"I can't believe you're voting for the peanut farmer again."

"At least he's sincere, unlike the actor."

Lenny and Laverne smiled at each other. Their best friends had spent much of the '70s in an off-and-on relationship, after she became a widow and between his three brief marriages. (Shirley was the realtor who sold the Kosnowskis their cute little three-bedroom house, while Squiggy was still a talent agent, although Lenny had gone back to truck-driving. Laverne was a housewife and part-time Avon Lady.)

Laverne had lost track of how many times Shirley had rhetorically asked, "Why am I so drawn to that man?" As for Lenny, he kept trying to get Squiggy to admit it was more than physical, but Squiggy had an Orkan-like dislike of emotion, except anger, greed, lust, and amusement.

Laverne had never told Shirley or anyone about the time-and-space travel. Lenny had asked, when he and Squiggy got drunk to celebrate the birth of the boy twins, "What would you say if I said I'd been abducted by aliens? Well, one alien." But Squiggy had asked, "Were you anally probed?", so Lenny said he was just joking.

"...Well I'm not the kind to live in the past  
The years run too short and the days too fast  
The things you lean on are the things that don't last  
Well it's just now and then my line gets cast into these  
Time passages  
There's something back here that you left behind  
Oh, time passages  
Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight...."  


Mr. and Mrs. Kosnowski shared a secret, melting look before twelve-year-old Walter Meeney, Jr., who was playing DJ at the BBQ, switched over from the two-year-old Al Stewart song to a punk station.

Meanwhile, about 1000 miles to the northeast, Mindy McConnell, unaware that a couple she'd never met (although they had consummated in her bed earlier that day, or a version of that day) had named their firstborn after her, put her head on the shoulder of the man next to her. "Wow, Mork, where did you learn to do all that?"

"Research."

"Oh, really?" she teased, nuzzling his neck.

"Books, lots of books."

"Uh huh."

"I'm sorry you missed Foodstock."

"It was worth it. And there are deli leftovers in the fridge, right?"

"Right." He was pretty sure, although he wasn't positive about what exactly still existed. Last week slash a dozen years ago, he'd talked to Laverne's aerospace coworker Chuck at a _Star Trek_ convention, one of the few places Mork could wear his red & silver spacesuit in public, so he knew some of what had happened in Laverne's life. (He had already been informed by the Committee that some things had slipped off the continuity they had in the larger world beyond Laverne, including when TV shows and movies, like _Star Trek_ , had come out, as well as when exactly Ronald Reagan was Governor of California. It even affected the time before the time-jump, so that, for instance, the number and order of _Godzilla_ movies was a complete mess to anyone acquainted with Laverne and/or Lenny.)

When Mindy had excused herself to insert a birth control device, Mork had visited the cute little Kosnowski house, time-freezing the family of six and a third. They were getting ready for a barbecue and he could see how happy and loving they looked. They didn't seem to have a lot of money, but he didn't have the impression that Laverne and Lenny had ever cared about that. Despite Mork's mistakes, Lenny and Laverne seemed to be well-mated in the larger sense. Mating wasn't just sex, after all.

"I'm glad you told me you love me," Mindy said now. "I wouldn't have said anything, probably for years."

"Why waste years when there's so much to gain?"

"I know, but Orson isn't going to be happy when he finds out."

"Unhappiness about the existence of emotions is counter-productive."

She laughed. "You're very philosophical today."

"I've just had a lot on my mind lately."

"About us?"

"Partly, yes."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I want to fool around some more."

She grinned. "OK, then," and tickled his wrist.

"Gang neb!" he exclaimed, and jerked and then licked her earlobes, making her giggle.


End file.
